Fragment (consider revising)

Greetings, Laughter

2011-06-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

OH HAY. Last night my post E-motions – When The Internet Isn’t Cute, went up on HelloGiggles. I hope you all get a chance to read through it, as well as through some of the other great posts there (I'm looking especially at you, Stephanie, Marianna, and Dani) I'm so honored to have been a part of the site, AND you can be looking for me there in the future. I'm extremely excited for this new opportunity, with so many people I respect so much.

Miss u, Blogger

2011-06-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

It's summertime, or whatever. Temperatures in the double digits are gone until September, my shoulders are bright red, and (even in Arizona) staying in the house is the far from an ideal way to spend a day.

(all photos via Ffîon)

So yeah, I totally miss you all. And of course I miss blogging like whoa.

I promise to visit, as often as I possibly can. And you visit me, too.

Tumblr. Twitter.

If You're Born With a Love for the Wrote and the Writ

2011-05-23T17:52:00.001-07:00

My semester ends this Thursday at 9:59pm, which may result is blogs being slightly less few and far between, here. In the mean time, you can pretty much expect to not hear from me.
However, quickly, I saw Johnny Flynn this past Thursday, and the whole place reeked of hipsters. It was like AZ Blogger Meetup, part two. Which, logically, leaves me to ask how many of you were there?
And for those of you who haven't yet had the pleasure,

Also, here are two of the poems from my All The Oceans Ink, blog (which has taken a similar break, to this one) I haven't posted any poetry here in a while and I couldn't think of a more perfect time then when I'm trying to stall for another week.
#10-365                                                                #11-365
in that moment                                                  every turn in your skull
all the trees                                                             was defined
fell to the ground                                                  as your skin fell slowly
all the oceans                                                         to the bottoms of your feet
dried                                                              and as your bones unhinged
and the voices                                                       and your organs unraveled
in the air                                                             you looked at me
were silenced.                                                        and said
                                                                                 with your last breath
                                                                       I wasn't made for this
Until next time, see you on twitter.

In Which I Obsess

2011-05-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

I love Natasha King. Soul mates--no question.

Mother's Day (Sans Animals)

2011-05-08T16:18:00.001-07:00

I am lucky to say, I have a lot of incredible mothers in my life. I have been so blessed in seeing some of the most beautiful women, also be the most outstanding moms. I could easily post a 10' blog post about every mother I love, here--but to keep it classy, I've cut it to five. In no particular order, five of my favorite moms:
1. Allie - Aside from what a great friend Allie is to me, on a personal level, she is also such a loving and devoted mom. The more I talk to her, the more I see her genuine love and compassion for other people, and those same traits carry over 100 fold, into her roll as a mother. Not to mention--she's betrothed her son to me. So...LUCKY LADY OVER HERE.

2. Cheryl - I post about Cheryl, Luke, and their beautiful baby, Evie here, all the time. But I genuinely can't say enough how much I love them, and what a huge role they play in my life. You know how people say that certain people are just "born to be a mom"? That's Cheryl. When I see her with her daughter, and not only how much she loves her, but how she is loved and needed back, I could cry with happiness. I am so thankful to know her, and her small family.

3. Jess - Okay, for real? You all know her. I have had the pleasure of becoming friends with Jess through the internet, over the past year, and even meeting her and her son Ezra at the AZ Blogger Meetup. She so genuinely loves her kids, and that shows through so clearly even just through reading her blog, and the way she talks about them. Through knowing her, I have been so inspired at the sight of a woman who neither compromises herself, for her children, or her children for herself.

4. Candi - Can I just tell you guys how much I LOVE Candi's kids? Candi has four of the funniest kids you will ever meet, and every time I see them, I have some new hilarious thing they've said to me. Once, her daughter, Saylor, told me that her milk mustache made her look like a man. And NOT because men have facial hair, but because men are a mess. Candi is such an amazing mom to her kids, and some days--I really don't know how she does it. She has such love and patience, and pours everything into her kids, while still managing to be such a great friend to everyone around her.

5. My mom- Um, DUH. Okay I kind of lied when I said in no particular order, because I totally saved the best for last. Want to fight about it? My mom and I are extremely close, and I can imagine having been raised by anyone else. For as many incredible, and inspiring mothers as I know, she by far takes the cake. My mom has such a big heart, and if I could ever be 1/13 of the the mother she's been to my sisters and me, I would have the sixth luckiest kid on earth. I love my mom so much, and she is such a huge role-model to me, in so many ways. Oh and by the way--do we look like TWINS? People always tell me I look just like her.

And to all my other favorite mamas, just know I love you. Happy Mother's Day 4 daze, and all that stuff.
"Without us sons and daughters, there would be no Mother's Day. I remind my mom of that every year."

Happy Mother's Day or How I Became a Mother

2011-05-08T02:31:00.003-07:00

Or: I Live on a Farm. Or: Why I'm Awake Right Now.
Basically: this.

The short story? Recently, my cat decided that it would be totally cool to have a couple of babies. After an unfortunate series of events she also decided that breast feeding was sooo 2001, and just straight up, stopped doing that. This was realized one cat too late. After the loss of one of the two kittens, matters were taken into human hands and the efforts to convince a week old kitten, that formula is totally "in" right now, began. Fast forward to 2:00am Mother's Day morning, and I'm getting ready to warm up a bottle and feed a cat.
All this to say: it's totally cool if you want to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I'm even thinking about signing up on Circle of Moms. WOULD YA VOTE FOR ME?

Obviously

2011-04-28T19:05:00.003-07:00

This is how all of you would describe me, right?

And speaking of how you'd describe me, Thomas Prior's work is really brilliant.

Take Your Time Coming Home

2011-04-27T01:26:00.001-07:00

HEY LOOK AT THIS, I'M STILL LIVING AND BREATHING AND ALL THAT. Oh and look here:

The Laughing Heart from Bradley Bell on Vimeo.
I love this video Kim showed me. You can find more of Brad's work, here.
Okay, and also, the obvious thing to talk about. You can consider this post an official return to an unofficial hiatus from blogging. The past three weeks, I've lived the greatest blogging paradox of not having time to blog, because you're too busy living the life you blog about. I found it too cliche, and I'm totally over it. I'm thrilled to be back to regular blogging, and am hoping tobe here even more than before the break.
At some point, each of these will have more in depth explanations, but for the time being, here's what you missed:
-I was sick on my birthday, but it was still lovely
-I paid someone to put a new hole in my nose
-The Phoenix New Times is talking about me
-I found a job
-I'm the proud owner of a Royal Quiet De Luxe
-I'm planning a new weekly guest feature, here
-I'm an unofficial cat midwife
-Easter happened
Oh and some other things happened, too. All in good time, I'll have more posted.

The One Where I Write Quotes + Say It's my Birthday

2011-04-04T01:57:00.001-07:00

Today's my birthday. I'm not actually a year older today--because that's just not how time works. But I am a day older, and it had been an official 365 days since my last birthday. So there's that.

I'm not sure what makes this a birthday photo, per say--it just felt like one.

Not to be 114% cliche and expected, but this year truly flew right past me. I spent it with some of the most important people I could ever know, and have been so grateful for even the worst days. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm exactly where I want to be at this stage in my life (I am nowhere close) but I am truly content. I have no idea what will happen in the next hour, much less the next year--but I think Stephanie said it best a few days ago, with,
"I just have to keep reminding myself that, you know,
1. I'm not in any rush.
2. My hair is just gonna look like that in Texas because I'm Jewish.
3. If I write everyday I will get better.
4. Not having a book deal yet doesn't make me the world's biggest loser even though sometimes I feel that way because, you guys, @molls doesn't even follow me on Twitter or Tumblr and I feel like we could be sisters."
Okay, so 2 doesn't really apply to me--but you get the idea.
"But when a man has once broken through the paper walls of everyday circumstance, those unsubstantial walls that hold so many of us securely imprisoned from the cradle to the grave, he has made a discovery. If the world does not please you, you can change it. Determine to alter it at any price, and you can change it altogether. You may change it into something sinister and angry, to something appalling, but it may be you will change it into something brighter, something more agreeable, and at the worst something much more interesting. There is only one sort of man who is absolutely to blame for his own misery, and the is the man who finds life dull and dreary." --H.G. Wells
Oh and also? This just always makes me think of a big beautiful party...maybe a birthday party. So I'd consider it relevant.

On Winning

2011-03-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Danielle took these this weekend, and I am just dying of the cuteness.

Sofia turned three last Wednesday, and seriously? She just gets more beautiful every day. I know I'm a little bit biased, but I swear, if there's a prettiest three year-old contest--she totally wins. And if that offends you and your three year-old: reality check time. LOOK AT HER. I'm sure your baby is first runner up.

#AZBloggerMeetup (Image Heavy)

2011-03-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

I know this post is waaaaay late, since every day is one blogger year, but here is my obligatory Arizona Blogger Meetup post. I had so much fun "meeting" so many people I already knew and loved, this weekend. It was so surreal at times to look around me and see all these people that I've been talking to online for so long.
I spent Friday day with Danielle, taking her to a few of my favorite Tempe places, and the evening with Chealea, Scott, Kelsey, Jim Bob, Vanessa and Sam, for coffee, bacon ice-cream, and dinner (vanessa and sam were only at dinner)
Saturday day was all according to plan (you can read on Dani's blog) and totally amazing.
Friday:

(she's not pregnant)

Saturday:

(unfortunately, I didn't take a single picture this weekend, but you can find most of these in the Flickr pool)

Overall, it was a really fantastic weekend and I can't wait to see all these ladies again soon. I feel as though I took a step forward in so many friendships that hold an incredible amount of importance to me. I'm not waiting for another meetup to see these friends again--but if I were, I overheard on twitter tonight, that another is being planned for May (and I am so there)

On Everything (and some other stuff, too)

2011-03-19T01:45:00.005-07:00

And by everything, I really just mean some stuff and things. But it's like whoa long...so grab a snack or something.

{Jeff Hamada}

Did you all enjoy the day of silence for Japan? Did you do anything to help Japan, besides not blog? I mean, not to suggest that the lack of blogging didn't help. Everyone knows that with every blog posted, a child in Japan is robbed of a day's worth of food--so that's a really good effort and all. But if not, it's not too late.

Also, I hope you all realize that there is a supermoon tomorrow night.

Oh, what? "Thanks to a fluke of orbital mechanics that brings the moon closer to Earth than that it has been in more than 18 years, the biggest full moon of 2011 will occur on Saturday, leading some observers to dub it a "supermoon."" So you'd best be watching...and know I'm watching too...and we'll have a moment.

And, I bought a book tonight that I reckon everyone else in the world needs.

Seriously, do you own 'All My Friends Are Dead' yet? It was one of at least 10 books I was convinced I "could not live without" tonight (the only one with pictures though, I swear) but it was the only one that made me desire to laugh and cry in equal measure, and the cheapest one, so it came home with me. So glad it did, too. Other book-ish things: I finally ordered Evie Paste's Indie Rock ABC book. AND I'm officially a subscriber to 'Psychology Today' magazine (among a bunch of other weird, non-trashy magz) and am already loving that, on the very first issue.
Oh, and everything else? I know I don't blog as much as I used to. And while I don't feel like I owe this blog anything, I do miss being a regular blogger. And I do plan to get back to that, eventually. But to catch you up in the few sentences I have before I lose the attention of the three of you that are reading this? I am buried in school work and for once, I'd like to keep on top of that before I'm six feet under, praying for second (third, fourth, fifth...you get it) chance. Things with my family are great--I love my family to death and we are extremely close. However, I have been struggling with a few issues from the past that I really never dealt with at the time...and it sucks. I'm also in a whole messy situation that I feel like I'm losing (never have had?) control over. A situation that involves another person, and another person that I don't want to hurt, and am most likely going to and...that just really sucks. I don't know another way to say it. Things with God are...well my faith is extremely small, I'll say that. But I'm grateful to have a God whose grace is infinite, and who takes me back, every.single.time. Because that's obviously what I need. As far as friends, if you mentioned the name of pretty much any friend of mine right now, I would probably reply "Oh I miss them so much." Guys? That is on me--the phone goes two ways and I have not called you. It shouldn't always be your job to hunt me down and kiss my forehead, but it seems like that's the kind of friend I've been lately. And I am truly sorry. I'm also looking for a job to start this summer (after I have my head out from all my assignments) Ideally, one of the places I'd be stoked to work at will want me. (see: book stores, record stores, thrift stores, Wild Flower Bread Co. I mean...one of them has got to be crazy enough to pay me, right?) My 365 poetry Tumblr lasted about 17 days. Okay, but I'm not giving up. So it's not once a day? It will be 365 times, before I stop posting there. The anniversary of my birth is in about two weeks...which actually means nothing, except that I'll be a little closer to how I actually feel. The AZ Blogger Meetup is next Saturday, and I'll be spending all day with Danielle AKA Biscuit on Friday. (for sure there will be photos from that) I'm still rewriting songs like it's my job (Hello?) And...I don't know. I have left out so much, but you get the idea.
Basically, my life is a mess and I need to sort that shit out. If you read all of that, I applaud your dedication to finishing what you start.
So...goodnight? Goodnight.
Here's a reward for reading:

Love, and peace, and God be with you all.

Pretend Like I'm Not Even Here

2011-03-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

Updates: My teeth are bleeding. It's cute. See also:

Also see also:
-dancing
-making shit
-not sleeping
-making up my mind (or something)

Loyal Through and Through

2011-03-01T01:34:00.001-07:00

I seriously can.not.believe. I went a whole WEEK without posting and didn't lose a SINGLE follower. The loyalty astounds me. And for me to just come back with a cool photo and Songs I Love? Just plain rude.

{pogo type - we are animals}

SORRY. Life is life. Blogs are blogs.
But if you want to keep up between the posts, you can get at me on twitter. Because, you know, twitter is the way of the future. Or whatever.

Back to The Future

2011-02-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

Irina Werning's project Back to The Future is such an interesting and well executed concept. I have spent so long just looking through all the photos.

"I love old photos. I admit being a nosey photographer. As soon as I step into someone else’s house, I start sniffing for them. Most of us are fascinated by their retro look but to me, it’s imagining how people would feel and look like if they were to reenact them today... A few months ago, I decided to actually do this. So, with my camera, I started inviting people to go back to their future."
I am so in love.

Romantic, Etc.

2011-02-14T02:20:00.003-07:00

I hope you all know that a saint was killed today. And you're eating chocolates. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

{rest less}

I don't think I'm really cool enough to enthusiastically love or hate Valentine's Day. It's fun to celebrate, the way anything is fun to celebrate. It was always fun in school to pass out valentines (mostly because of the candy) But honestly? I am pretty mutual. I probably wouldn't even remember what day it was, if there weren't reminders everywhere.

I'll be spending the day babysitting for a funeral, (am I the only one who thinks it's a weird day for a funeral?) writing papers, painting, going to dinner with a friend because we're both heartbroken that we can't afford the Ben Kweller/Pete Yorn show, and a long distance call that will most likely end in accidental sleeping, and the words "I wasn't asleep" being repeated a few times before we eventually face facts, and hang up.
What can I say? I'm really going all out this year.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you get a teddy bear as big as your car.

Checking in + Songs I Love

2011-02-11T17:13:00.001-07:00

A few quick things:

I have not stopped making different forms of art since Sunday night. My 365 project has been so good for me (I can already see the difference that a daily release is making for me), I have been doing lots of painting, and making small pieces with fragments of other things. It's been great.
I added some of my favorite reads in the side bar--you may be there. I'll be adding more in time, but these came to mind for me immediately as blogs I check daily.
The Love Bomb is very special this week. Could you please give it a look and some love?
My next post will be quality. Nothing like this. (promise)
Today's Song I Love is good ol' Ben Folds. I have had him on repeat over here all week, and this is one of my favorite songs of his.

Reason Number 1,681

2011-02-07T22:46:00.000-07:00

...why I love you.

Kim Taylor is one of the most inspired artists I have ever met. I swear, everything she touches turns to gold.

Here's the Hidden Message: Eat Your Greens

2011-02-06T01:53:00.002-07:00

*jumps on bandwagon* I'm going to be here. I'd love for some of you guys to be, too. You can (should) get more details and RSVP, here.

On a different note, I am starting a new 365 project. How original, right? Here's the original part--it's February 6th and not January 1st. I am going to write a poem a day for 365 days. My reasons for this are pretty simple: practice, routine, release. The only thing I've found that truly improves your writing is practicing. all.the.time. It makes a bigger difference than reading a million poems. I am also trying to get back into the habit of writing regularly, so...what better way than to just regularly write? So simple. Lastly, I want a release that is consistent. Every day, whether it was good or bad; effortless or challenging, I have somewhere to pour it all into.
Now, I'm not kidding myself, some of these will be horrible. Some will be as little as one line. But that's okay with me, and that's part of it, I think. These will not be posted to this blog and I've debated on whether or not to even post the link here (given that the reason my writing resides elsewhere is due to privacy issues) But I've decided that I will post a link because without the feeling that someone will notice if I give up, I just may. So. If you'd like to follow my (sometimes ugly) journey through poetry, you can do so here.

psychosomatic love song confuses heartbreak + apocalypse

2011-01-27T01:59:00.001-07:00

Tonight is long. I don't want to talk about it.

I have pretty much just exactly copied and pasted the photos from Booooooom! because they're perfect enough on their own. Shannon Rankin is my new artistic hero. So phenomenally good.

Two For the Road

2011-01-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

"Two for the road is an editing experiment based on the visual similarities that can be found when photos are presented side by side."

Undoubtedly, one of my new favorite art blogs. The pairing of the photos is so beautiful and interesting.

Thoughts on Thirty

2011-01-20T14:57:00.001-07:00

Today someone extremely special to me celebrates her thirtieth birthday. I know her name comes up a lot around this blog, but it only seems fit if a blog is supposed to be a reflection of one's life.

Cheryl is such a huge blessing to me in so many ways. Since the day I met her I've seen something different in her and the way she loves people that is so beautiful and rare to find in a person. I couldn't, if my life depended on it, number the nights I've stayed at her house just watching dumb scary movies or Flight of the Conchords or talking about pretty much anything you can think of. I spending time with her, whether it's as silly as imagining a fancy dinner party where everyone sits in high-chairs, or as serious as without exchanging words, just crying together and completely understanding.
Cheryl has seen me through so much and I am eternally grateful to have such an incredible friend in my life. I can't imagine how different of a person I would be, had we never met, and I really don't care to. There are a lot of important people in my life, but there is something so different and special about my relationship with Cheryl. Seeing her now, as a mom, and how far she's come from when we met, to today makes me just cry and cry (in a good way) She is such an inspiration to me and I can't wait to see how our friendship grows from here.
I love you, Cheryldactyl. Happy birthday.
P.S.-You're not old. Shh. I love you.

Reason Number 1,680 Why I Love You

2011-01-19T15:52:00.003-07:00

Welcome to the new. This is going to be a regular feature for a while, I think. A short post highlighting one thing or person I love. Anywhere from poptarts, to my family--the big and the small things I love. Because I sure love a lot of things.

Tempe, I love you.
OH! And P.S.- I have a guest post over at The Daily Letter!

I'm So Upset

2011-01-18T21:47:00.001-07:00

I love kids. They have a way of being so sweet and genuine with their emotions and still bringing smiles to the faces around them. This letter, from Amy's daughter, Lindsey, made me laugh and cry in equal measure tonight.

I am sleeping under the bed tonight.
I hope you understand.

You Said it, Not Me

2011-01-14T03:38:00.000-07:00

Randy P. Martin

"Do not live each day as if it were your last, live it as if it were your first. Full of wonder and awe and eternal possibility." —Sabirel

"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."—Jonathan Safran Foer
"Grace is not logical, rational, or fair. And that is why it fixes problems that you cannot." —Lauren Lankford

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." —Unknown

They Gone Be Rich

2011-01-12T16:27:00.005-07:00

Two things. Really quickly.
One: Is something troubling you? Click to Then Be.

Two: I saw this message on a friend's facebook, yesterday "Remember that one time we made the hit youtube vid covering that song and we were dressed like idiots and acted like we were drunk? Yeah, I blocked it out too." I was later directed to the said, hit youtube vid, that I highly advise, you watch here. Please note at the end, when he says "We gone be rich."

Happy Wednesday.

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

2011-01-11T20:02:00.007-07:00

Laura posted this link to twitter last night, and I nearly dropped everything and went to go pick up a few tickets to space. Then I remembered how the world actually worked, and decided against it. No less, these are stunning. I am floored by the beauty of this universe.

I've spent the past week staying up all night writing papers/studying for finals, and in the words of Jesus, "It is finished." Of course, He finished something way bigger than I did--but I'm still kind of proud, and think I did pretty well in all but one class I'm unsure about. Honestly, I'm just glad to be done. And is it weird that part of that excitement is that I can make a new, more fun to-do list? One that says:
-Email Danielle, Kim, Devon, Cheryl, and Lauren.
-Check blog email account.
-Go to that extra bible study you usually don't have time for.
-Catch up with [probably you]
-DO FUN THINGS AND DON'T WISH FOR DEATH
Yep. That's what it's going to say. And I'm considering adding "-Go to space" And there will be such a relief throwing out my old one that pretty much just says "-Study -Wish for death -Study -Wish for death -Don't do fun things -Hate space" Worst to-do list, ever.
So to celebrate, I'm going to dinner with my love, Sam who just flew in from San Fransisco. Perfect.
Also? Can I show you the weird fortune I got last week at kind of a shady Chinese restaurant? Danielle is inspiring me to share these things.

Are you kidding me? I think this is bad luck, or something. I also had an assignment last night called "Sometimes, Love is Not Enough" The class was environmental science, so...I'm not sure I see the relevance or the title? Why is everything against me?! Fine. Message received.

Songs I Love 13+14/50

2011-01-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

These two songs have been on repeat all weekend. These and the rest of the Rocky Votolato's music. But most especially these. So beautiful and heartfelt. I always think of Allie when I listen to White Daisy Passing, which makes me love it all the more.

Etcetera

2011-01-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

Non-Sign II by Lead Pencil Studio is probably the most brilliantly creative "billboard" I've seen in my life. I can't get over it.

I know I blog fairly infrequently lately, but I think I like it more when it's less of an every-day occurrence. And I like blogging whatever random/cool thing I find of the web that day, and I like blogging the little thoughts I have throughout the day, or the song that's been stuck in my head all week. I don't want to take my blog, or myself too seriously. So maybe I'll go from posting once a week, to posting twice a day, throughout this year. And maybe I'll post very, super, serious things that have been weighing on my heart, or just a great pun I thought of that day. If I am only one thing, I am real. And I don't want my blog to be anything less.
Also? 20 Reasons Pizza is Better Than a Relationship. Seriously, I'm dying. So true.

2010 Things I Learned in 2010

2011-01-01T08:00:00.004-07:00

Okay, well, actually just 10. This year went by so incredibly quickly and somehow when I think about where I was new year's day 2010 it was somewhere completely different than where I'm at now. This post might be a little long, but give me a break--I'm wrapping up a year.
1. Every single moment is precious
Okay, I know this sounds like a cop-out but I really mean it. Tomorrow isn't promised and it's foolish to live like it is. Get out of bed, get dressed, and do something worthwhile. Every day. No excuses.
2. You are who you choose to be
One of my least favorite things to hear people say, is "That's just the way I am." No. Unacceptable. As humans, we are amazing. We are capable of so many incredible things, one of the greatest of which being our ability to change and adapt. If we see something about ourselves that we don't like, there's no reason we shouldn't be working to fix it. It's not "just the way you are", don't let yourself believe that.
3. If you do not stand firm in faith, you will not stand firm at all
That's Isaiah 7:9, one of my new favorite verses from the year. While I don't believe I can lose my faith, I do believe I can (and do) draw away from God. If I've seen one one reoccurring theme with this, it's that when God isn't first, nothing else makes sense.
4. Stop doing things out of obligation
Lauren touched on this last month in her post rest. I think she puts it best in the lines "If you are working relentlessly out of guilt or self-inflicted obligation, stop immediately. If you think maybe you're working relentlessly because of guilt or self-inflicted obligation but aren't quite sure, stop immediately. The actions that fill your days should come out of health, joy, love, peace, and heart. If you've lost your passion, drop everything, and for the love of God: Go find it"
5. You are not better than anyone
End of story. That's all. If you find that you place yourself above a single person, for any reason, it's bigger than just having a big head. This gets in the way of loving people truly and unconditionally. It gives you the mindset (often without you even realizing) that sometimes it's okay to choose yourself first. Ask yourself in every situation "Are you being selfless?"
6. Don't invalidate yourself
There will always be someone who has it 1,000 times worse. I'm not saying not to think about these people, but if you're constantly invalidating your own emotions, your own pain, and your own struggles, by comparing yourself to that starving African orphan, you're never going to get any better. Be honest with yourself, and take the time to really feel things.
7. It's not a long story
So take the twenty minutes, and talk to people. I'm not saying everyone. I'm not saying wallow in self-pity and bring every conversation back to yourself. I'm saying, be honest with people. Talk to them and be real and transparent. We all go through the same things and have the same feelings, so why pretend we don't?
8. Don't just think it; say it
Alright. Not the bad things. But how many times in a given day do you think to yourself, "I just love ____" Well start saying it. Of course people need to be showed love, but I think think we also need to hear it. So take the 15 seconds to write a text or the 20 minutes to send an email or letter. Tell the people you love, that you love them. Tell them they're important.
9. If you don't have it, you don't need it
And chances are, if you do have it--you still don't need it. Don't get caught up in the things that don't matter. If a fire burnt down everything you owned, what would you have left? That is what's important. Nothing else.
10. Be the friend you wish you had
Another something Lauren inspired. She posted this recently and in short, summed up what I've spent my whole year working toward. Be the loyal, unconditionally loving, understanding, empathetic, consistent, and ever-present friend you wish you had. Don't give up on people. Love everyone. Forgive always. And spend more time fixing yourself than you spend fixing others.

So there you have it. 10/2010 things I've taken away from this year.
And to start my new year off right, some good ol' positive thinking in the form of one of my very favorite songs.

"Join me in welcoming the sun in,
It's much brighter than the night I hid in.
I was a long, long way off."

2010, for as much grief as you gave me, you were a good year. I am better because of you--but I can't promise I'll miss you. Happy 2011, everyone. I'm looking forward to all it has in store.

In Case You Were Wondering

2010-12-28T02:10:00.001-07:00

I am having a hard time blogging lately. Actually--a hard time doing anything. These things happen, and sometimes it's okay not to have all the right words, or the breath left to speak them, right? It will pass, but in the mean time I can always draw from my daily booth and post other people's poetry, writings, and other various forms of art...right? Right. (even though I am writing and posting my own work again, I'm posting it somewhere you'll never find it. Cool.)

You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
— Rainier Maria Rilke
Life is hard, but it is beautiful. Sometimes you have to take it for what it is and embrace what comes. Sometimes you have to fight everything within you, to be the best possible version of yourself, in spite of how much you'd rather just sleep it off for a few years.
I am bigger than this. Repeat.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

No Clever Talk, Nor a Gift to Bring

2010-12-24T14:50:00.003-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while, and I wanted to one more time before an obligatory Christmas post. So I'll keep it short with this.

The horse's hay beneath His head, our Lord was born to a manger bed. That all whose wells run dry, could drink of His supply. To keep him warm, the sheep drew near, so grateful for His coming here. Come with news of grace, come to take my place. The donkey whispered in His ear, "Child, in 30-some-odd years, you'll ride someone who looks like me untriumphantly" The cardinals warbled a joyful song; He'll make right what man made wrong. Bringing low the hills, that the valleys might be filled. Then "Child", asked the birds "well, aren't they lovely words we sing?". The tiny baby laid there without saying anything. At a distance stood a mangy goat, with the crooked teeth and a matted coat. Weary eyes and worn chipped and twisted horns, thinking "maybe I'll make friends someday, with the cows and the hens in the rambouillet. But for now, I'll keep away; I've got nothing smart to say". There's a sign on the barn in the cabbage town, "when the rain picks up and the sun goes down, sinners, come inside with no money, come and buy. No clever talk, nor a gift to bring requires our lowly, lovely King. Come you, empty handed, you don't need anything". And the night was cool, and clear as glass. With the sneaking snake in the garden grass, deep cried out to deep, the disciples fast asleep. And the snake perked up when he heard You ask, "If you're willing that this cup might pass, we could find our way back home maybe start a family all our own". "But does not the Father guide the Son? Not My will, but Yours be done. What else here to do? What else Me, but You?" And the snake who'd held the world, a stick, a carrot and a string, was crushed beneath the foot of Your not wanting anything.
Merry pre-Christmas.

TGIF?

2010-12-17T10:39:00.001-07:00

Is it just me, or has this week been ridiculously fast? No? What about when you put it into the perspective that Christmas is in eight days? EIGHT DAYS. Yikes. Here are the best 10 parts of my 2 minute week:
1. The weather this week. It's been overcast all week until yesterday, when it drizzled rain pretty consistently throughout the day. Tempe is beautiful, wet.

2. Coffee shops. I have (unintentionally) been to so many this week. Yesterday I had a few minutes to myself at Cartel where I was able to read and write for a little bit while I waited for a friend. Have you been to Cartel, Arizonans? You should, really.

3. On that note--the friend I was meeting. I love Sammich Felgemaker. This one I could go on about forever, but I'll leave it that. The most absolutely lovable person you could meet.

4. Facebook chat. This happened last night...the best.

5. Peppermint bark. Today will involve making six dozen pieces for a "cookie" (I fail?) exchange tonight.

6. These people. I have no idea what I'd do without Joy and Cheryl. So fun, so ridiculous, so filled with Love. Last night Joy and I had so much fun just talking and drawing in the fog on the car windows, and scaring cats, etc. I don't know where I'd be without either of them

7. Radical Face. I've had it on repeat all week--I always forget how much I love it.

8. Rainy weather permitting me to dress like a bag lady without ~~getting looks~~ caring what people think. I took band photos in this, last night. Please note: I am not in a band.

9. Choosing Christmas postcards. It's more difficult than you might think, but I think I'm finally decided on a set from moo.com thanks to Diana's suggestion to look there.

10. The meteor shower. Okay--I had to mention it at least one more time. It was the highlight of my week.

What did the rest of the world (you) do this week?

Meteor Shower

2010-12-15T12:00:00.006-07:00

There was a meteor shower on Monday night. It was beautiful.

Okay, so maybe it didn't look quite like these. But unlike many people I know, I didn't drive out into the desert to watch it (not because I didn't want to), so for being in the city--it was pretty amazing. At some points I would be seeing at least 1-2 a minute, and throughout it I saw 5 that came down ridiculously low. Honestly, I'm half way convinced the people down the street got hit by one.
It was supposed to be best from 1:00-4:30ish but active from 12:00-5:00. Of course this was the one night my body wanted to sleep before 5:00am. Thankfully, a couple of phone calls were able to keep me up to see it and to have someone to talk to while I watched. Sort of perfect.
There were tons of baby ones but I was most amazed by one that looked like glitter and sparkled down incredibly slowly, one that "landed" and stayed shining for a good twenty minuted afterward, and one that came so low to the ground I think it killed the neighbors' dog. Yep. Beautiful. Though I haven't seen many, this was probably the best meteor shower I'd ever seen.
Did anyone else watch? Did you do anything special for it?
Psst--want to hear a secret? I have a guest post over at Sometimes Sweet today. What an honor. Be sure to check it out!

Prone to Wander? What?

2010-12-14T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to create this post all weekend--yikes. It's a little bit ridiculous how no matter how little sleep you get, the days still feel so short that they're passing you by. I just ate a pudding cup out of obligation and now I feel a little sick--so show grace where need be on this post. I have a lot to cover.
I suppose a good place to start would be at 'Fragment (consider revising)'. Well, I'm not sure how much explanation that needs, really. I love fragments, and I even kind of love the little green line Word gives me when it thinks it's being grammatically helpful. I couldn't think of any better blog name for me.
Also, you may notice the entire remodeled layout. If you're on Google Reader--give it a look. As the author of the blog and the one who pieced it together, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say how much I LOVE how everything turned out...but look, I just did. This is the part where I want to talk about this:

This is all the amazing and inspiring work of Sleep/Talk who is not only one of the most talented artists I've discovered lately, but also the artist behind my new banner. When I came across the Sleep/Talk flickr I was so amazed by all of her work that I (quite literally) spent hours going through and admiring it all. Though I was 90% expecting her to say no, I emailed and asked if there was any way I could use one this image as my new blog banner--if you don't ask, the answer's always no...right? Well this was one time the answer was yes. Kim was so gracious in allowing me to use her astounding work and I couldn't be more grateful. If you haven't spent an entire night searching her flickr instead of writing papers, I suggest you do so now. I have a feeling I'll be posting a lot more on Sleep/Talk in the near future.
Lastly, if you could please add my new button--as the one reading "Prone to Wander" is slightly less than relevant at this point. The image is by Cadence who you should totally check out because she is WHOA talented and she blows my mind.

So many 'thanks you's to Kim for the banner, Justin for doing all of this HTML code (how amazing is that?!), and Cadence for the beautiful button image. I can't wait to get back to posting on this new, beautiful blog. And I have plenty of things to catch up on. (LIKE THE METEOR SHOWER LAST NIGHT.)

Coming Soon

2010-12-11T12:13:00.001-07:00

Blog changes are all complete outside of being made into html. I am so thrilled with how everything's turned out and am completely happy with everything from the new name, to the new layout and feel. My friend Justin is helping with all things technical (because holy cow, he's smart!) and so I'm just waiting for him to have a little bit of free time and then everything will be up. So. Stoked.
Until then--forts and paper showflakes. Merry Christmas.

See you very soon.

Dear Blogger

2010-12-04T02:54:00.003-07:00

Dear Blogger,
I am sick of you. No, scratch that. I am sick of me. I am sick of feeling like I have 13,000 words for you, all inside of my body, and all looking for a way out at the same time, and creating a traffic jam of sorts. I am tired of never really having time for you. I am tired of not being excited to see you anymore...but the more I think about it, I am a little sick of you, too. You know as well as I, our relationship just isn't what it used to be. Do you remember when we first met, and I told you never to change? Well, looking back, I feel like I should probably apologize for that advice. I mean, really, it's probably the stupidest advice I've ever given anyone before, including the time I told that friend that it would probably be "no big deal" and "not to worry about it" and then it was like a WHOA big deal. Yeah, worse advice than that.
Blogger, we've had out ups and downs but am I the only one who feels like we're seeing less and less "ups"? I'll be honest, I've even been having casual side dates with Tumblr and Wordpress just to get away from this suffocating thing we call a relationship. I'm the first to admit, I have my flaws. But anymore, I just don't think our flaws are working together for the common good, as much and piling up and tearing us down.
I've considered breaking up with you, and even going all suicidemachiene.org on your ass. But the truth is, I'm just not ready to give up on this. I'm not ready to give up on us. I still believe we have something special, but we need to work on it. I'm working on myself and also--I'm working on you. I've taken it upon myself to change both your name, and your general appearance, taking effect asap. Believe me when I say, this has been a long time coming, and I think it will be mutually beneficial. I hope you can trust me on this one. I swear I meant it when I said I loved you.
Yours truly,
Paige.
P.S.-Wouldn't it be fun to actually send a person a letter like this?

I Broke My Own Rules

2010-12-01T03:39:00.003-07:00

It's 3:30am and the LMS just kicked me out of my classes for system maintenance. That is seriously the most annoying thing EVER when you're on a roll. I was hoping to finish the class tonight, since I can't sleep anyway. Being productive feels good...until you're forced to stop.
And so you all know, I'm breaking my 2:00am rule right now. My 2:00am rule being, no emailing, texting, calling or blogging after 2:00am. I'm like a different person after 2, and apparently, a person I don't much like at 9:00. Whoops. My issue with the rule, is that my post-2:00am self, does not care about it. How are you supposed to set a rule in place, specifically for the times that you don't care about rules?
Tonight, Dani posted one of my favorite poems on her Tumblr, and it reminded me how much I miss reading, and most especially, writing, poetry. It's weird to me to think that based on how many relatively new readers I have, a great deal of you probably don't even know what a big part of my life that is. It's so strange to have something that you think to be such a huge part of what makes you up, be virtually unknown by people who know you. I realized today, haven't posted any of my new writing (on blogger) in almost six months. That freaks me out. Older readers: remember when that was ALL I posted?! I miss that--but I'm also struggling with having a blog people read and not letting it effect my level of openness here. In certain ways, I miss having a blog with no readers, because as much as I can be open and honest, I can also be an extremely private person. I know it's kind of backward, but it's how I feel.
Anyway, here's the poem Dani posted, that got me posting on all this. This one always gets me tearing up, at least a little.

There is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.

Clever Name Tuesdays - The Sangfroid

2010-11-30T10:15:00.003-07:00

I have been so sick the past few days, and trying to simultaneously knock the teeth out of my to-do list and my cold, leaves little time for...well, anything. So you might expect that until Thursday, and possibly even until the 13th, my blog may be suffering a bit. That makes me love posts like these even more.
I said in my post about Megan that I wanted to start posting on my favorite blogs as a weekly feature here, because of how much talent there is in the blogging world, and how much I enjoy highlighting it. I asked you guys for suggestions on what to call a feature like this, and had literally no suggestions, so here we are with Clever Name Tuesdays. Shoot.

Anyway, the first blog I wanted to feature is absolutely one of my favorites right now. Tegan from The Sangfriod never ceases to amuse me with quick wit, and valid, "alternative thinking" points. She describes her blog as "A collection of social and political commentary, decorated with parody and satire, and absolutely oozing with American pride." She is never hesitant to speak her mind or stand up for what she does/doesn't believe, and whether you agree with her or not, she's bound to get you thinking...which I think is the point. I asked her a few questions for this post, and here were her answers.
Name/Age: Tegan, on the cusp of 22
What initially got you interested in blogging and how have you strayed from/stayed true to that?
I was a humour columnist for my school newspaper and decided that only 4 articles a semester weren't enough, and the world needed to be bombarded with my thoughts weekly. Initially I did a lot of parody and satire posts, but over the course of a few months strayed into politics and feminism. Though I write about much more heavy-hearted topics now, I do like to keep positivity and humour in each post.
If you had to describe your blog in three words, what would they be?
Awesomely, Radically American
If you could decide how you were remembered/what people took way from your life, after you died, how/what would that be?
I'd like people to remember that I made them laugh. I've never taken life too seriously and my funeral is going to have a disco ball, so I think that sums it up.
Favorite quote?
“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those think.” -George Carlin
One thing, not yet mentioned, you feel people should know about you/your blog?
About me? Well most of my readers seem to believe I'm a dude, which is befuddling. Besides that, I'm a pretty average person who spends more time thinking about the world than she probably should. My blog will probably make you laugh, hopefully make you think, and for some, piss you off at some point. Realize that ultimately, its just words on the internet, and you can make them mean what you want.

If you haven't already, definitely go check out Tegan's blog, The Sangfroid. I'll meet you there.

HOLY SQUID

2010-11-27T13:19:00.001-07:00

Something you may not know about me, if you know me exclusively through blogs, is that I have a deep affinity for the sea. Pretty much any aspect of it, but most especially, the deep sea. The deep sea remains one of our greatest mysteries, often compared to space, as we have no idea how deep it exactly, is. Of course, like anything, there are guesses and estimations, but the fact of the matter is, no one has ever seen the floor of the deep sea. We are constantly perplexed as to what exactly is down there, how it survives, what effect it has on our ecosystem, and most importantly, WHY IT'S SO SCARY. All we know, is that there are a lot of unsolved mysteries of the deep. And nothing against space--I do love it, so--but that is a lot cooler to me. Because unlike in space, we know there is life down there. TONS of it. And it absolutely IS plotting our death. It's also on our own earth, so you'd think we could come up with more answers. The fact that so far, we cannot, excites me to my core. The deep sea is not boring.
The other night, I was about ready to call it an early night, around 12 while I was browsing my Netflix instant cue. Unfortunately for my sleeping habits, I had failed to take into consideration that Netflix had recently added more movies to the cue. That's when I saw a documentary mini-series entitled "Colossal Squid". OH MY DEAR, SWEET, LORD. Here is some of what I saw:

Needless to say, the colossal squid has replaced the giant squid, in my heart.
A few things I'd like to mention:

The colossal squid has the biggest eye known to man.
Unlike the giant squid, who has (evil, no less) teeth, on suction cups, on its tentacles, the colossal squid has no suction cups. Do you know what it has instead? DO YOU?! The colossal squid has CLAWS. Up to three inches long--the equivalent of that of a tiger, that rotate 360 degrees to catch their pray from any angle.
We have only found one colossal squid, still living--not decomposed--and have reason to believe that the one we found was only a baby. (!!!)
The colossal squid only lives about 400 something days (I can't remember the number--it was late) which means they have to grow INSANELY fast.
When I saw the squid I screamed "I WANT THAT." and I really do. If I had a colossal squid, I would name him Greg. The reason being: just because he is a monster, doesn't mean he wants to be treated as such. A normal name might be his only shot at normalcy.

I am a squid, and more generally, deep sea, enthusiast. Can you see why?
Just wait until I tell you about my love for dinosaurs, robots, space, spiders, etc. THE WORLD IS SO COOL.

Big Surprise--I'm Thankful

2010-11-25T01:51:00.003-07:00

Way to conform, huh? Well I really don't know how to do a Thanksgiving post. Not because I can't think of what I'm thankful for, but because I am thankful for so much that I don't know how to write a post that doesn't take me 30 years and still walk away feeling like I covered everything/everyone. The fact that I truly believe there is not a single thing in this universe that I need and don't have, shows how long a post like this could take. Want to see how many people I'm thankful for? Well, you can't. Because I had to stop short when I saw the clock.

When it comes down to it, I am thankful for every single aspect of my life. Even the hard parts. I am in love with life, and love, and hope. I am blessed with a God who cares for me abundantly, people who love me--people who I love. A family who I not only get along with, but have endless amounts of fun with. A family I love. Not just my family by blood, but all my incredible family outside of the genetic code. And even the little things like the music, art, poetry, blogs, etc. are things I am endlessly thankful for. Not just grateful, but truly thankful.
Most especially; I have a Hope that the world cannot give me, and the world cannot take away. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to keep going on the days where it doesn't feel worth it. I don't just have to be grateful this thanksgiving--I have Someone to thank.
I know this is a cliche post. But I mean what I say, and I hope it's evident on the other 364 days of the year, as well. I have a lot to be thankful for. So many people have blessed my life this year and been there for me when I really needed them. Though it may have also been one of the most difficult, this year has by far held the most personal growth for me and that is in huge ways due to the people who have come along side me and restored my hope. For the people who have seen me through the good and the bad, and stuck around when they didn't have to. You all mean so much to me, and I praise God for you regularly.
Happy Thanksgiving, and try to remember this year to be thankful that we're not to stop at giving thanks, but that we're blessed that we might bless others. We are filled to be emptied, and to give freely just as we have received.
Jehovah Jireh--the Lord, He provides.

STUFF

2010-11-23T23:10:00.006-07:00

I've said it before when featuring her "Anti-Holiday Signs" but I really am in love with all the works of Megan Galante. Everything she makes is so beautifully strange and wonderful and sometimes, just the right amount of cynical. I could never express myself as incredibly as she does, but I do feel like the inside of my head looks a lot like her work. One of the few artists I truly feel I know and relate to, just by falling steadily more in love with her art.
This is Megan,

This is some of her work,

Let it be known that to keep the images to a minimum, I took a long time choosing my very favorites. It was hard. And I feel like I left so much out. You have to go through some of her other stuff--who else has Feline Friday posts?! No one. That's who.*
And I'd like to start doing weekly features like this. There are so many talented bloggers out there, and I love posting on them/you. New post for Tuesdays, yeah? Clever name for it?
*someone else may have Feline Friday posts. But I guarantee they are not as good.

Sometimes I do Things

2010-11-21T23:29:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I draw things. Sometimes I draw silly things and mail them to people...and sometimes, the said people, make them their blog banners and I'm all kinds of flattered. That said, check out Biscuit's new blog banner.

Here are some other things I sometimes do.

Sometimes I stay up for more than 24 hours at a time and then think a lot about a lot of things and decide "I TOTALLY NEED TO BLOG ABOUT THIS." and so I do, and then I feel silly. Ahem, my last blog post. Okay, YES, it was coming from somewhere, but I'm too 300% or not at all sometimes. Too bad I don't deal with change well, so I can't even handle my OWN way of living. What is wrong with me? Too many things are changing right now to deal with changing my whole blog. I still want to--but I'm going to wait until I can emotionally handle more change. Still taking name suggestions though.
Sometimes I read an email, decide what I'm going to reply and then subconsciously check "reply to email" off of my to-do list, because I replied in my head...this also goes for: text messages, letters, skype/facebook chats, tweets, missed calls, and REAL LIFE CONVERSATIONS. Okay, no. Not the last one. Sorry if you've fallen victim to this.
Sometimes I get fillings in my teeth and even though I have a super high pain tolerance, the dentist scares me, so I cry a little and then the dentist is super condescending and makes me feel more stupid then I already do for freaking out about what 6 year-olds seem to have no issue with. That might happen for the second time tomorrow. Oh lord.
Sometimes (ehh, always?) I religiously read TONS of blogs but don't ever comment, and then feel bad because I think the author thinks I stopped/never was reading, and then I feel dumb for thinking the author even notices/cares. But for the record: I probably read your blog, and may even love it, and not commenting, is not personal. I'm finding, I'm just not a big commenter.
Sometimes I take "if it fits it ships" to mean, "whatever it takes to get that box closed is fine, even if it's a different shape then when you picked it up, as long as it closes"
Sometimes I think that blogging just really isn't for me...and then I keep doing it. So I guess it is.
Sometimes I take life WAY to seriously, because sometimes life feels WAY to serious...does that make sense? Sometimes I don't make sense.
Sometimes I post blogs about the things I sometimes do, because I'm not a professional blogger. Sometimes I post blogs about the things I sometimes do, because I just want to talk to people when when it feels like no one's listening.

I Need More Grace than I Thought

2010-11-19T01:45:00.002-07:00

These have nothing to do with the post, but I wanted to share these really beautiful pictures by my love, Jess. She's really talented and I'm sort of obsessed with the beauty of all she tries her hand at.

Alright, bloggers. I'm feeling contemplative and tired at the same time, so get ready for the grammatical massacre I'll clench while reading, tomorrow.
As I've briefly mentioned, this month has been one of the most challenging months I have had in an extremely long time. I think it should be stated though, that by challenging--I really do mean just that. Not necessarily bad. I would even say good...just difficult. With every new challenge I feel like I'm seeing personal growth and progress. I see a shedding of skin and a readiness to move into a new part of my life. Not because where I am now is bad, just because it's over now, and it had a good run. I'm ready to move on and be better, still.
I am ready to start new and refilled. I am ready to recommit to a Love centered life, and to let go of the things I don't need. The things that weigh me down, but I cling to in fear of someday needing them again. I don't think that's constructive in terms of living selflessly. In terms of trusting God to provide for me, the way He's promised since the beginning, the way He always does, and the way I am, for some reason, always surprised by. My little faith astounds me sometimes.
Lately, I have been seeing the pattern of my happiness, and conversely, my unhappiness. That when I feel my life is mine to do with what I please, I am miserable. Because I can't do it. It's too much for me, and I feel like a little kid who is so sure they can tie their shoes and out of principle, even pretends they can while people are looking, and trips countless times when no one sees...and sometimes when they do. My life is not my own--there is hypocrisy in living as though it is and proclaiming that "I am His and He is mine" "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?"
So on the note of change, I want to change my blog a bit too. Not that I feel I have to for any of this to stick--I just think it would be nice. And that Prone to Wander was a book, and it's about time it ended. Specifically, I want to change the title of my blog...not sure about blogging rules. Is that allowed? I have a few names I like--feel like giving input? I like "Almost Everything" is in "Almost everything (I wish I'd said the last time I saw you)" and "Etcetera, Etcetera" (which is the name of my tumblr) from the line "And You dance inside my chest where no one sees You--but sometimes I see You. You dance inside my chest, etcetera, etcetera" (Suzy, I expect you to comment something about how you love that line and that Aaron Weiss is a literary genius...or something)
I like that they both elude to the fact that, this blog has very little defined purpose..which I am okay with. Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?
Okay, this blog was scattered. I'm not sure I fully said what I wanted to. And I'm not sure I made sense...but I'm glad I posted it.
I'm going to go write long emails, and pray, and sleep. Goodnight.
Update: Yeah, maybe just pray and sleep.

Here I am. Send me.

2010-11-17T02:25:00.003-07:00

Do you guys like lists as much as I do, lately? Is this just lazy blogging? I feel like I haven't blogged in so long and the only way to catch up is with a list. Hopefully this will be the last one for a while.
Again, excuse the photo quality.
1. Sweet Lauren sent me the most incredible care package, full of the most thoughtful gifts. I am constantly overwhelmed by her giving nature.

2. Feeding the homeless was amazing. We were able to feed so many people and give out so many blankets. I am officially a grill master, too. I think we're planning to do it again in the coming weeks and I can't wait.

3. I made ginger bread rhinos today. I'm so excited that it's holiday baking season again. I love to bake.

4. I went with my good friend Joy to get another tattoo tonight. She had me write it which was not only super flattering, but also, really cool to always have that connection..even though we're pretty much sisters anyway. I love it.

5. January, 1979 has been playing on repeat here.

6. Evie has made dino faces.

7. I heard this cover of The Cure's Close to me. And it's pretty incredible.
8. God has been seriously breaking me. In really great ways--but it's no less, difficult. Tonight especially, I had some amazing conversations with solid friends and was so encouraged and refilled. With that, I came home and had one of the most challenging conversations I've had in a long time. God is so sovereign and so good.“And all I ever want to say for the rest of my life, is how that Light is God. And though I’ve been mistaken on this or that point, that Light is, nevertheless, God.”
Aren't lists great? I just fit so much into a single post!
P.S.- This is how scattered my brain is lately--last night, after writing this, my dreams took me from mourning the loss of my father, to being interviewer on NPR for my invention of the SMA's (scientist's music awards) and everywhere in between.

...And Some People are Robots

2010-11-13T20:57:00.001-07:00

I am babysitting my friends' kids tonight. I always have so much fun with these four (though you only see two here) This is what we've been up to:

If it's possible, I think I was more sad to put them in bed than they were.
There was a video of us (and the baby) in space, as aliens, that they wanted me to post--but it's not uploading right now. In short: the words "My dad was a robot and my mom was an alien. Some people looked down on them, but nothing stands in the way of love." were definitely used. It made me think of my favorite quote from Yo Gabba Gabba "Some people are tall, some people are small, and some people are robots." While I agree with the message they're sending children--I'm not sure I agree with the statement itself.
I love these kids--they're lucky to be so much like their parents. (not the alien and the robot--though that was a beautiful love story. Their human parents.)
How was your Saturday night?

I Love You, November (In Pictures)

2010-11-11T13:16:00.006-07:00

Remember when I told you all how November had promised to be good to me? Well the very first week, I thought it was a liar--but it turns out even the hard week was a good one. It helped me to clear my head so much and now I'm feeling great. This month keeps promises.
I want to say a lot of quick things, so here's a list for you. (I am sweet on lists these days) Excuse the cell phone pictures--I'll invest in a nice camera some day. I'm increasingly upset that I haven't yet, with every blog post.
1. I did a guest post on Our.City.Lights this morning, and you can/should read it here.

2. Margot & The Nuclear So and So's rocked it last night and I ended up talking with them a bit before the show and they're all super cool guys.

3. I am so in love with Evie Grace. Look how pretty she is! I can't believe she's already a month old.

4. I spent my morning like this:

5. The Love Bomb mission this week is really moving (okay, what's new there?) and you can view it here.

6. Rilo Kiley's Silver Lining has been stuck in my head all week.

7. I am going to spend Friday night feeding and giving blankets to the homeless with some friends. (visual aid needed?)
8. IT IS FINALLY COLD ENOUGH TO WEAR SWEATERS. Not just at night--in the daytime too. This is one of my favorites (partly because a lot of people hate it, partly because it's awesome)

How has November been treating you? What are a few things you're grateful for right now?

Etcetera, Etcetera

2010-11-10T14:39:00.001-07:00

I am going to See Margot & The Nuclear So and So's tonight. Last year they were awesome and their show cost $12. This year their show costs $15 so I can't wait to see how they're going to be 3 more dollars worth of awesome. Anyone else in Phoenix going tonight?

In the spirit of things, I reckon my Song I Love 10/50 should be one of theirs. This song always reminds me of winter.

Also? IT'S LAUREN LANKFORD'S BIRTHDAY. If you've been on the internet for longer than 5 minutes, you probably know who she is, but on the off chance that you don't, Lauren is the leader of Love Bomb, the queen of the internet, one of my closest and favorite friends, and (among many other things) one of the more encouraging and loving people you could ever hope to meet. Oh, and did I mention BEAUTIFUL?!

She posted a birthday blog today and you should probably go read it here and then wish her a happy birthday. She might be one of the very few people who spends their birthday writing love notes to people. That's just the kind of person she is. Her love is infectious.
OH YEAH. And I made her a birthday Tumblr today, too. Fuck Yeah, Lauren's Birthday!

Do Not Read This Post

2010-11-05T12:21:00.004-07:00

HAPPY FRIDAY, BLOGGER! I am pretty behind on cool art right now so I'm lacking in an image and drew from my daily booth. This makes me feel both, narcissistic and lazy...which I think is a good way to start this blog post. Because, I'm going to make a lot of people mad. Even the people who agree with me will probably be mad that I even brought it up. Okay, FINE. You can go ahead and unfollow me now, the button's on the top of the screen, and have a great day.

Okay, now to the 3 of you that are still reading, because you don't know what you're getting into, here goes. I didn't want to go..here. I don't mind talking religion on my blog because I think it's worth being controversial over. I am not in the world to be agreeable, and so far, I'm doing a pretty good job with that. HOWEVER, I do try to keep politics off of the blog. They have a sneaky habit of dividing people where they don't need to be divided...but this week has been a fairly political one for me. You'd think that would be because of the recent election, but no. To be honest, I don't really know why. Maybe it's me--maybe I stick my nose where it doesn't belong (yes, probably) or maybe it's the people around me--maybe they know I have a hard time sitting back quietly when I hear a one sided argument so they bring me into conversations they know I can't pass up. Regardless, I am tired of twitter conversations that cut me off at 140 characters. I am tired of facebook conversations where I'm called a communist (which is different than a socialist, just by the way...which is what I think they meant?) But I am most especially, tired of being told that I don't love God because I am more liberally minded. EXCUSE ME?!
So here goes. That place I never wanted to go on my blog, is finally here. And if you're mad that I took it to Blogger, you can blame Andrew. Seriously, it was pretty much his idea, anyway.
Obviously, some politics are not worth getting into. How someone else feels about certain topics, in no way effects me...but then there's ObamaCare. As a sort of preface, I know a lot of sick and poor people, and even come from a family of them (Sorry mom, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't feel it was necessary) so this topic hits close to home for me.
To start, I resent dismissing human lives as "politics". Human lives which, I believe, will always have higher dignity than the value of the dollar. Can we really put a price on these people?! I've heard the argument that "I'm as lazy as the next guy, but I don't think healthcare is something that should just be handed out. You should have to work for it." My issues here are as follows: 1. It's wrong to assume that because someone is low income that they are "lazy". I can give hundreds of examples of good, hard working, low income people. People I love and know are worth more than whatever the taxes could come to be. 2. Many truly sick people, cannot work. Just physically, cannot. 3. OKAY, I give in--let's say someone really is lazy. Does that mean we should let them die for that?
I want to talk specifically to Christians for a moment. The same Christians that speak up against abortion because unnecessary death of the innocent is wrong and even evil. Christians: WHERE IS YOUR FAITH AND COMPASSION ON THIS ISSUE?! All the arguments I'm hearing from you is how much this costs you. How you can't afford this. What happened to Matthew 8:10 "Give as freely as you have received!"? What happened to Mark 12:17 "Then Jesus said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's."? And do you really fear that without the money it takes to care for the sick that you, yourselves, will not be taken care of? Please tell me when Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" started meaning "You're on your own, SUKAHZ!!"
CHRISTIANS, how can you rectify this with your faith?! "Your" money, is actually God's money. You were blessed with it, that you might bless others with it. Clenching your fists tightly, is not what you have been commanded to do. Are you kidding me?!
I could keep going but as I look at the post above, I see I've already said quite more than I meant to. I'm sorry if I've offended you, and I do not care if you unfollow me. I have shut up for a long time but I figured it would do me good to say all I felt I needed to so that I could move on and stop having the conversation elsewhere. So there is some of it. I swear I wrote it all in love and without intentions to hurt any feelings.
So on that note, I leave you with this:

"The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’" -Matthew 25:40-45

We are Made of Love

2010-11-02T14:34:00.003-07:00

It's November. November promised me it would make up for October's poor behavior. It was a good start to the month that I brought out all of my autumn clothes on the 31st to have them ready for November. It reminded me two things. 1. I love that in Arizona you can wear dresses pretty much year-round as long as you add some tights, sweaters and scarves. 2. Scanning your clothes is weird, but fun. These are some of the autumn dresses I'm most excited to break out this month.

I like to think of myself as a generally positive person. I try hard to keep Love at the center of my life, and as my first response to everything. I believe that there are a lot of things to be positive about if we just take the time to dwell on them, and that we're not half as bad as God is good. I have a Joy that the world cannot give me, and that the world cannot take away, so when I start to lose sight of that, it's time for a reminder. Here are some things that are absolutely positive, right now:

The new Sufjan Stevens album. Have you heard it?! I've heard some really negative reviews on it but upon listening would venture to say that you are all LIARS. Because that is an awesome CD.
It November! Okay, that one was obvious--but did you know that it's my favorite month?! So that's pretty great news in and of itself.
I love so many people and am so loved that sometimes it feels like my heart is going to explode. Of course, I feel lonely sometimes--but I really never should. I am loved by the Most High and I take that for granted too quickly.
It's getting cold out! Okay, Arizona cold--but cold, no less. Double quilts on my bed, cold. Wear a scarf and hat cold.
I'm committing to getting back into mail again. I took a break that ended up being longer than expected, but I'm really ready to get back at it now. I realized that (like with every other aspect of my life) I was being way too all or nothing with this. I had it in my head that if I didn't have the time to sit down and write a 3 page letter that I didn't have the time to do mail at all. That ends now. Not just with the mail--but with everything. Just because I can't give 300% doesn't mean I can't participate at all. Post cards are my friends. Short but frequent phonecalls are my friends. Making the best of what I have, is my friend.
I have 10 copies of The Head to Heart Card. Um...what!? Anyone want one? hahah
My favorite baby Evie is SO BEAUTIFUL. I can't take it.
Thanksgiving is this month and I have a lot to be thankful for. I am so in love with everyone and everything, and as silly as I feel writing a sentence like that, sometimes I need to say it...just so that I remember it. And I think that's alright.
I have so many positive things in my life that I actually have to stop at 0.5% because I have things I need to do.

I want to make a bigger difference this month. I want to love more. I don't want to look back on December 1st and think, "I wasted a lot of space this month". That is not what I'm on this Earth to do. So tell me what I can be doing for you. Even as simple as needing some prayer.
Happy November, blogger. Be love.
"All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing! I have a reason to worship."

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

2010-10-31T13:48:00.004-07:00

It's Halloween. And I'm thrilled.

Halloween is probably (leaving room for error here) my favorite holiday. I love the haunted houses, the costumes, the weird/kind of gross candy, carving something creative into a pumpkin, being just on edge enough to make everything 6x more fun, the classic, scary, and even stupid scary movies...all of it. Halloween is way too fun. I love it.
What are you doing tonight? What are you dressing up as?
UPDATE: I realized I never said what I did/was for Halloween. The answer is: I was nothing, and I did nothing. I love Halloween, but it just didn't work out this year. Next year will be twice as good to make it up though. It was a good night with friends, even if it had nothing to do with Halloween, and watching Halloween movies counts as a celebration...right?

Happy Halloween, Blogger.

Through a New Song

2010-10-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

She's pretty. She's smart. She blogs. And she's 22 today.
Jess is one of my very closest friends, ever. I can't say I've met many people any more genuine, loving, or consistent as she is. And I absolutely have never met a better writer and doubt I ever will. She has an incredible way with words. (she thinks I'm just saying that because I like her--but I'm not) I know a lot of people who are incredible blessings in my life, but I'm not sure I know anyone else as divinely placed as she. And also? My brain twin. Few people in this world really "get" me, and she certainly does. Somehow. By the grace of God.
I don't know where I'd be in my life had we never met. I probably wouldn't be blogging, to start. She's stuck by in some of my lowest times and I can't dismiss that as some strange and unfounded loyalty but only divinely inspired love and grace. My life is truly brighter because of this her. I suggest you go wish her a happy birthday.
And read this (her most recently posted poem) Seriously?
With pulled caramel dripped across my belly,

I lay blinking at sharp white angles

and it hits me. No matter

who indents the neighboring space,

life is lived alone.

A Reason to Sing

2010-10-27T01:36:00.006-07:00

I have been a fan of this website for a while now, but as I see more and more Christmas decorations appearing when it's NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN YET I feel a need to show more people. It's a very handy tool--you may want to bookmark this one. Is it Chritmas?

Things I've done today:
Potentially acquire a black widow spider bite on my forearm.
Find out an extremely close friend has Tuberculosis.
Make tomato soup from scratch and be really impressed with how good is.
Visit with my friends Sam and Andrew for a few minutes in my front yard.
Write what feels like 6,902 papers.
Get frustrated working on Bleubird's uncooperative blog buttons.
Listen to The Swell Season's Strict Joy on repeat. (subliminal messages?)
Discuss the balance between being "progressive" and holding to your faith.
Cry for what feels like no reason but was probably every reason, in reality.
Remember how much I hate October. How much I'm going to love November. (right?)

God is still good.

Raise Your Hopeful Voice

2010-10-22T17:30:00.002-07:00

So this week has contained a lot of downloading from Feed Your Soul: The Free Art Project. If you don't know what that is yet, you need to go there. My walls look pretty nice after a few stops there.

Also, is it just me, or has October of this year been pretty awful? Okay, it's a weird day to choose to write about how bad October is because it was a pretty good day--but that's what got me thinking of it. Today reminded me how much I love good days and how long it's been since I really had one. Strengthening the endurance of my faith? You win, God. You always win.
But instead of being exceedingly negative, I reckon I'll write about the good of today. Until 6:30ish it was basically just really nice to not have anything go really wrong. My niece was in a great mood (part of the day) and we had tons of fun playing, as well as doing TONS of laundry and cleaning which was not insanely fun but was productive which is usually good for my mood. Then at 6:30, like every Thursday, I left for bible study which I was kind of bummed about because a friend of mine who was supposed to come with me tonight, had totally bailed for the second time in a row. But the poptart in the car on the way there completely helped. And the clarity I gained tonight, was awesome. Like I said, this month has broken me all the way down. So the time with people I love, discussing God's complete sovereignty? I needed it seriously bigtime.
After church my friend and I decided to see the midnight showing of Paranormal Activity 2. YEAH--we're those kinds of people. We had about 2 hours to kill so we went to (an almost completely empty) Denny's and had conversations as though it was not otherwise silent in the restaurant and they could not hear every word we said. Some serious--some totally ridiculous (because that girl totally gets me the way most people do not. Sometimes I wish more people knew us so that they could see how 99.99% THE SAME we are)
When we go to the theater we had three rooms to choose from, all doing a midnight showing and we DEFINITELY chose wisely because we ended up sitting in front of what was likely, the most hilarious man I've ever met. His commentary actually made the movie for me and I would like to pay him to sit behind me during every movie I watch from this day on. As far as the movie itself? Really good. I didn't have high hopes for it necessarily after what I'd heard of the first one (which I have not seen) but it was really a great movie if you're into the scurry ones.
Basically--today was a really good day and I hope, just the start of a series of good days to come. I know I could blog so many other things besides my night right now, but I just don't feel like it. Because tonight was good on multiple levels. Here's to the starting of a better month.
Random quote for good measure/it's been stuck in my head all week?
"And all I ever want to say for the rest of my life, is how that Light is God. And though I’ve been mistaken on this or that point, that Light is, nevertheless, God."

Songs I Love 9/50

2010-10-16T22:19:00.001-07:00

Even though Ingrid Michaelson and I are in a bit of a fight right now, this song absolutely has to be in my Songs I Love. It's too perfect. Differences aside. *cough*engaged to Greg Laswell*cough*

P.S.- I am very tired. I have been very tired for the past two weeks and I'm not sure when I'll wake up. So bear with me as my blogs may be infrequent or just completely incoherent. I am very tired with life.

Our Cracking Bones Make Noise

2010-10-15T08:08:00.003-07:00

I am totally in love with these Julie Morstad illustrations--they're all so unique and the perfect combination of morbid and beautiful...I like everything to have that magical balance.

I know I went from two posts in one day to no posts all week, no replies to emails or letters (okay the letter hiatus has been longer than a week. I need some grace), and I'm sure there are at least 19 very important things I have entirely forgotten about BUT I am still so tired from last week and all of its..everything. Even this week has had its share of TON AND TONS of stress. So again, I need grace. What's new, there?
Sometimes I wonder why I even blog, or what my point is in saying all these things. I used to blog my poems and writings and miscellaneous things that were just completely exploding my heart...but anymore, I don't really know what my blog "is". I'm not inspirational enough to blog for others--I'm not helping any of you in any way. And not to say that I don't blog for myself (or I wouldn't be blogging at all) but when I have something personal going on in my life (take now, for example) I am absolutely not going to run to my blog and tell 335 of you the innermost turnings of my heart. Give me a break. And aside from that, I don't even know what my point is. I read other blogs and the purpose is clear; "She's journaling her pregnancy/journey as a new mom" or "She's showcasing/drawing feedback from others on her talent" "She's walking me through her struggle to break into the world of[what have you]" etc., etc. etc., WHATEVER it may be. But I feel like if I were a reader of my blog, I'd be like "Oh, well she's...she's...just sort of talking a lot...and posting pictures of art she didn't make...and poems she didn't write... and sometimes she talks about God I guess...that's...cool?"
Hell--I don't even know why I'm writing any of this as I write it. I guess what I'm saying is that, I am not a professional blogger. I don't know "how" to blog or why I blog. I don't make crafty things, or have a cute baby to post pictures of. I don't do "Terrific Tuesdays" or "WHOATHAT'SAWESOME Wednesdays". I don't live on weheartit.com or have a crazy expensive camera to post pictures from. And most of those things--I am okay with (except the camera thing. I would really love a camera) Mostly, like my life, my blog lacks a lot of clarity and a distinguishable "point". I love too many things to fully commit to just one without being upset about how many others I'm missing out on. What most people call direction--I call limitation. Which, in fairness, is probably why you're all going somewhere and I'm too in love with everything to even stand up, much less, go somewhere. I don't know. Maybe I'll just start limiting myself to "Freaking Cool Fridays" for a shot at normalcy.
OH! I am actually considering doing a weekly feature--Maniac Monday! Where every Monday I post on a different maniac. The first feature would of course, be on me. And from there, the possibilities are endless. Ranging anywhere from Bukowski, to John Wayne Gacy Jr. I mean...it's at least an original weekly feature...right?
Or maybe, I'll just get some sleep.
P.S.- Not saying I don't have aspirations or goals. JUST so we're clear.

Songs I Love 8/50

2010-10-10T22:55:00.004-07:00

Not to be one of those "2 posts; 1 day" kind of bloggers, but I feel past due for a Songs I Love.
This is my favorite Sufjan Stevens song. It's so beautiful and the lyrics can and have made me cry...which I think is a good thing. I miss the winter when I hear this song. "Oh my friends, I’ve begun to worry right where I should be grateful. I should be satisfied."

Just FYI- I kissed little Evie Grace at least 4,208 times tonight. And I cried on her. And I snuggled her. And I didn't want to put her down. Ever. She is my heart.

Love So Amazing, So Divine

2010-10-10T08:22:00.001-07:00

Ways I'm celebrating 10/10/10: waking up early and crying with love and joy.
Ways my friends are celebrating 10/10/10 (they have always been more eccentric than I): Having a beautiful baby girl with the coolest birthday ever.

Evangeline (Evie) Grace - 6 lbs 12 oz, 21.25 inches. Born at 5:43am on 10/10/10.
I'm not certain I'm able to wipe my eyes long enough to have a coherent post here, but here goes my best attempt. Evie was born to my best friends this morning, IN ROOM 10, no less. It is seriously UNHEARD OF to be so beautiful and perfect within 24 hours of birth...isn't that when they're supposed to be a little bit creepy looking?! Not her. E-Rex is absolutely nothing short of my new BBFF (baby best friend forever) and she awaits some serious kissin' time.
Oh, my heart. I can't write much more or I might run out of tears. I am so in love.
How are you celebrating 10/10/10? (tough act to follow, huh?)

Tune my Heart to Sing Thy Grace

2010-10-07T17:32:00.001-07:00

Randy P. Martin is sort of instantly on my list of favorites for this photo. Seriously.

I'm having one of those thinky days that could potentially result in a lot of writing. Here's hoping, I guess. To move the process along, one of the things I'm looking forward to this evening is participating in this writing exercise at my friend Jess' blog. I imagine it will be challenging and wonderful, and I'd love if some of you guys participated so I could see what other people come up with! Let me know if you participate, and while you're at her blog anyway, definitely take the time to look around and read a bit. She has an incredible talent.
I've also been on a real hymn kick the past few days which always makes me pretty peaceful and contemplative (which was necessary after the day I had yesterday) which are great writing conditions. I know hymns are kind of magenta carpet and church pews, but I really do love them. The lyrics are so incredibly rich and are a lot more like reading long poems than just a typical song. As a random side note, for those that don't know, my blog name is a line from the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love) Fun fact.
Also, I know I haven't posted the Love Bomb in a few weeks, but I've got it for you this week. It is extremely moving (as always) and deserving of your time. Annie is a young woman with two children and 20 weeks pregnant with her third. She and her husband, Jade, just found out that their new little one most likely has Downs Syndrome. Annie’s strength and perspective on this news is incredible. On top of this news, however, they found out that their baby has an opening between his or her two ventricles. You can view the whole post and leave her your love here.
And lastly, since I'm feeling thoughtful, I thought I would also throw in the quote I've had stuck in my head this week.
"You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
- Rainier Maria Rilke

How the Day Sounds

2010-10-05T01:34:00.008-07:00

I feel really bed, because I saved this to my computer a week or so ago but the link I titled it as leads to nowhere and I have NO CLUE who it belongs to anymore. Let me know if you know--it really is fantastic.

I don't have tons to say right now--I'm just waiting for a paper to upload so that I can turn it in (which apparently takes 19 years on my computer. Sympathy cards accepted) and I thought it was a nice window of opportunity to blog a bit.
The past few days have been really GOOD. I love it when I can write that without my stomach twisting a little in that "you're not being to honest" kind of way. Not that I ever lie to my blog...but sometimes I do to people who ask. Whoops? Anyway, the point is, things are good. Last night after church, we all brought food and ate together...like a picnic, but with pumpkin chili, and a roof. It was great to be surrounded by so many people I love like family and talk about my pathological fear of people seeing the inside of my mouth. (that really is creepy--right? It's not just me?)
ALSO, I was able to spend time with one of my closest freinds, Cheryldactyl (seen here) who is now FOUR CENTIMETERS DILATED, 75% effaced, and whose baby's head is at -1. WHAT. Last night she was contracting 15 minutes apart and I was freaking out a little bit. VERY SOON there will be another person in this world for me to kiss and snuggle and annoy. I'm so much happier than I can express right now. Please be praying for her delivery this week.
And because the rest of this post has had no particular direction, I feel alright about subject jumping some more for the last half. Basically, I have an awesome cat named Mustachio. He has a mustache, and he comes and goes as he pleases through my window. Barack Obama (my dog) hates him, but Velma, Greg, Margot, and Aggie (my daddy long legs--do you think I'm a lunatic yet? Can you tell it's 2:00am?) all like him fine. I don't think I've mentioned him on my blog before but I really should have.

Basically, this post was a tangled disaster and should go down in the history of horrible posts and I should have to pay a fine to everyone who wasted their time trying to make sense of any of it or why I name the spiders in my bedroom or why I take pictures with my cats or why my dog's name is Barack Obama or why I'm blogging when I am so clearly OUT OF MY MIND right now. I'm sorry. Goodnight, blogger. I do love you in a weird way.
P.S.-I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU: I've been writing a little again. It's such a relief.

Father Time is a Selfish Man

2010-09-29T12:52:00.001-07:00

I sort of love this "Free Things" photo by James Luce.

Blah, blah, blah, explanation as to why my blogging has been slightly less frequent lately and insincere apology because you don't really care and it's not really your business. Yeah. While I was sick I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to log into classes so I've been catching up there, along with relationships in my life spilling over a little bit and keeping me fairly busy. But it's not as though I don't think about you all often. Last night I had a dream about my blog...how weird is that!? My dreams are weird and a little bit double speed lately, so I can't be entirely sure that any of them mean anything, but if I had to guess--I'd say that means I'm in a committed relationship with my blog.

Um, also, is anyone else totally freaked out that it will be October on Friday?! I mailed off my September journal entries today and it made me realize that September was gone. Where did the summer go? Where did 2010 go, for that matter!? As much as I love Autumn, I'm not so sure I'm ready for it yet. What have I even done this year? I mean, yes, I survived another year--praise God. But how have I made a difference? Who have I helped? What about 2010 has been in any way worth my time? I'm afraid I've completely let 3/4 of this year slip away from me without being the light I want to be in people's lives. Okay, October, November, December. That's what I have left to accomplish something I can be proud of in this year. We'll see.
What have you done so far this year that you can be proud of? And do you totally feel like this year snuck by!? Come baaack, 2010!
"Father time is a selfish man. He runs on schedule and he keeps all of our plans."

Your Breath is a Love Song

2010-09-24T03:02:00.004-07:00

I AM SO SICK. Too sick to really write anything out right now but too awake (I've been asleep roughly 20 of the past 24 hours) to go lay down again. SO I guess it's a perfect time for the extended "Songs I Love" post I had planned to do for one of my favorite bands right now.

Branches is absolutely one of the best bands I've heard in a long time. They're on facebook, myspace, and itunes, so you should probably get at them in some way.

I know this post wasn't as nicely formatted or worded as I would have liked (and truly feel the music deserves), but as I said, I am very sick. Bare with me.

Why (I believe) it's OKAY to Blog about Religion

2010-09-20T13:19:00.002-07:00

Before I start this post, that is bound to upset someone, let me point out; the name of the post is not "Why You should Believe like me" or "Why I am Smarter than You". There is a very simple reason for that--it's just not what I'm saying.

(Jess Craig)

There are two things I can almost count on any given blogger to say are important to them in blogging. 1. Always be true to yourself. What you're thinking, what you're feeling, how you're doing. Life isn't always pretty--if you're blog is, you're faking it big. This is your blog, not the public's, and if they don't like it, no one is asking them to stay. 2. There is no need to get into controversial topics (ie-religion & politics) on a public blog. To each, their own. What good does talking about things that might offend others do anyone?

Okay, uncle. I agree to an extent. Controversial for the sake of controversy is juvenile. Hate is not to be tolerated. Ignorance is unnecessary. But is it just me, or do those two commonly accepted rules of blogging, in many instances, contradict themselves? Does "being honest with yourself and readers" sometimes involve "saying something that might offend someone somewhere"?

This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind after typing out a long blog post a few weeks ago about my really horrible day and how happy I was that I could come to a God who cares with it. It was heavily faith based and before hitting post I was conflicted on whether being true to my thoughts and emotions, or not saying anything that upsets anyone was more important. Being that I had to explain about that post for you to understand, you can guess which one I chose. Since then, the thought that blogs are to "freely speak your mind unless there is someone, somewhere who disagrees, in which case, "don't ask, don't tell"" has been really eating away at me. We live in a country of freedom and self expression...don't we? If you want to wear a meat dress to the VMAs, do it! If you want to release a sex tape, the floor is yours. Even if you want to create the worlds most disgusting and wasteful game show, where you throw cars off of buildings for entertainment value, this is acceptable to the general public. BUT if you have anything to say about God, please keep it to yourself. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't myself, find that to be offensive.

In addition to the decision not to post, I have been asked multiple times now what religion I exactly am by different readers. To be perfectly honest, I don't like associating myself with any "religion". I believe in the God of the bible and the bible alone. I believe in loving God, I believe in loving people. I like what Anne Rice says in her post of "quitting Christianity" "My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become." Amen, Anne Rice. I believe in Love. Wholly, unconditionally, for everyone. And I believe in sharing that Love even if it means losing followers or being disagreed with. I give up my right to remain silent.

I guess in summary, blog about what's on your mind. Speak the truth in love, and don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot say while still being respectful. Love everyone. Don't limit yourself to your religion or lack there of--we are all people and deserve to treat and be treated as such.

"Love those who are not known, for you yourselves have been unknown"

-Deuteronomy 10:19

I'll do Anything for You; I did Everything for You

2010-09-16T10:56:00.003-07:00

Look what came in the mail today! An 8.5x11 print and 5 post cards from Diana at Our.City.Lights! Want to know the best part? They were mostly just a gift! I helped her with a little basic html code a while back (without intentions of acquiring anything) and she sent me some legitimately nice things! Unfair trade? YEP. But do you see my complaining?

I've actually been getting a lot of really nice love mail the past couple of weeks. I wish I could post pictures of all of it. Maybe I will in a later post but allow me to specifically highlight that Lauren sent me the "Love Everyone" painting I mentioned how much I loved in this post, and the other Lauren sent me a box full of specialty teas (that are totally rocking my world) in addition to tons of postcards and letters. I know how slow I have been at replying lately but please forgive me everyone, and know how much I value all your letters, postcards, and loving gifts.
I have also started a new mail project. Nothing time consuming (lord knows that wouldn't last) just a way to combine two things I'm doing anyway and slapping the title "project" onto it. I recently received a "letter" that was in fact many letters compiled together from the beginning of her summer to the end. What I think was just lack of time or resources to mail, actually turned out to be one of the coolest things I've seen in a while. Sitting and reading all about her summer and how things went as things went. It inspired me to start journaling in the form of letters. Every month I'll pick a new pen pal to write to and through out the month use their letters, as a diary of sorts. Then at the end of the month, I'll put all the letters into a pretty envelope and send them all away and move on. I think it will a good project. Maybe.
It is also Love Bomb Thursday! This week the mission is to comment to Victoria. She's a young woman with Lyme Disease, which is an "Invisible Illness." It's hard for her to be in so much pain and to have no one recognize it. Victoria said, "One of the best things you can do for a chronic illness is leave random notes for the person suffering that will make them laugh or tell them that you are behind them 100%." Little does she know she's about to get plenty of that!
You can comment on her blog here.
P.S.-The beautiful pregnant woman in the post below this, is 2 cm. dilated and 30% effaced as of yesterday afternoon. WHAT.

It's Time to Show New Eyes Thier Home

2010-09-13T10:45:00.006-07:00

Want to hear a secret? Two of my favorite people in the world are having a baby. Want to hear another? It's not really a secret or I probably wouldn't have announced it on my blog.

My friends Luke and Cheryl are 36 weeks pregnant with a daughter, Evangeline Grace (who will go by Evie) as of yesterday. I mean it when I say that I absolutely could NOT be more thrilled for them. After 5 years of trying, these are sure to be some of the most incredible parents this world has ever seen (besides mine, of course) She is an adorable, love-filled kindergarten teacher who was basically born to be a mom, and he just generally loves kids almost as much as the love him--kids totally have a thing big men with big beards and tats. What up 21st century kids!
I couldn't imagine this baby being born into a more perfect and loving home. It warms my heart to know that she will be raised on Sufjan Stevens, Iron & Wine, and even the occasional mewithoutYou (suck it, Luke--your daughter already went to the show with with good ol' mom and me) Without a shadow of a doubt, I can say that I know this baby could not be born to a more deserving, loving, appreciative, and generally BA couple. Oh my heart, it is people like them that make me believe I will someday want nothing more than a baby...and that's pretty hard to do. I love all three of them more than could ever be expressed in a blog post.

You should also probably see the amazing shoes that Allie made for little Evie. WHAT. Can I cry now? (JK, I already am.)

Songs I Love 6/50

2010-09-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Always, always, always a favorite. How predictable of me.

I Speak Because I Can

2010-09-09T08:00:00.005-07:00

Hi. I'm still obsessed with Daniel Gordon's flying pictures. So sue me.

This is a scheduled post. Do not be alarmed by my use of the word "tonight".
Tonight was a really happy night. OH, WHAT. I know, I love saying that! So many incredible people surrounded themselves with me, I took time to pray and it was just, exactly, good. Whenever I decide I am going to be happy the logical question of "Well, what makes you happy?" always seems to come up, and invariably, the answer comes back "God and people". Tonight I spent time enjoying both so it's really no wonder why it was a happy one. I am so incredibly glad to have spent time speaking with people who are not only equally (if not more so) struggling but who have the ability and desire to talk about other things forget about the bad for just a second. I'm looking at you Danielle, Amy, Ian and Lauren.
I am all about being in touch with your emotions and situation--I am, really. But even a therapist will tell you (I know, I've seen plenty) that sometimes it's okay to check out a little bit. Not to give up, but to stop letting everything overwhelm you and take time to just have a little bit of happy. It's the little things.
Oh, and I got a new dress today...which was also happy.
UPDATE: I woke up this new morning to a text in my ear from Lauren, telling me to read Acts 3. I planned to do it later today until the thought occurred to me "Your bible is literally right by your head. Open it now." So I did, and I'm glad. To be honest, even thought I know that always starts my day off happily, I rarely do it. Which makes me think that I am a lot more to blame for any unhappiness in my life then I previously gave credit for. Today is another good one. I walked into my house to see all the doors and windows open (in Arizona, that is not normal) and it is the most beautiful day today. This is going to sound depressing but please take it for the happy statement that it is, for the first time in a while, I am truly happy to be alive.
Anyone else?
Also, the Love Bomb mission this week is to write a handwritten note to someone you actually know. Encouraging them, lifting them up, giving them your love. I love this one and I think it's really so important. If you want, email "mylovebomb@gmail.com" with the transcript of your note, a photo of it, or a little story about what happened. This way we can share the results with the whole team--so help make that possible!
P.S.-I don't usually do things like this, but my dear friend Bonnie has her sweet baby girl in a beautiful babies contest of sorts. Do you think you could vote for her?

Love, Don't Cry

2010-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

I want to go here. Matt Niebuhr is one of my favorite photographers, and this is why.

My plans for this weekend were basically to have no plans. To make it up as I went along and to ultimately just enjoy the three days and whether I had magical adventures, or just spent some time relaxing, to be happy. Radical idea--huh? Here's how it's panning out so far.
I ended up spending Saturday sitting around and watching documentaries and eating all day (I AM SO FUN) but the evening was some great time to spend with myself and God. For the first time in a while, I was able to have and appreciate peace. And it was exactly what I needed, not a moment too soon. So is not to say that I'm not still hurting, or that anything has changed, or been fixed over night. Not even saying that I'm now okay with these things. Just that I am okay. And committing to go up from here, is a good start. "Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing. There is no one to fight in your behalf, no remedy for your pain. Everyone has forgotten you; they care nothing for you. But I will restore to you health and heal your wounds," declares the Lord, "because you are called an outcast; because for you, no one cares. And so, you will be mine, and I will be yours." I am excited to use the changing of the seasons as an excuse for the changing of self. To get rid of this awful funk I'm in and to stop letting people get to me so. much. I am just tired of being unhappy, and I don't feel that there's any good reason I need to be. Is anyone else in a similar state?
I also went apple picking yesterday. Um, DID YOU EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT IN ARIZONA?! Apparently you can. Even though my feet are now sunburnt, and will most likely be sick today because of this, I definitely enjoyed myself. Not to mention that if apples didn't rot, I'd never have to buy food again.
And don't even ask me what I'm doing today. Hopefully sleeping a lot--but maybe baking an apple pie? How did you spend your three days?

Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt

2010-09-02T08:00:00.008-07:00

Lauren makes the most amazing things. I can't take it.

I wanted to make a lot of this post--I thought about it all day. Unfortunately, I'm not writing it until late at night I just don't have the energy to do everything I wanted to with it. Until I get a chance to really blog, here's what I'm thinking about this week. I'm sad that I haven't written in 4 months--more so, I am sad that I have lacked the inspiration to. My brain has been a tangled mess lately, and we'll see what comes of that--if anything. I'm kind of bummed I didn't talk to my sister on her birthday, I really miss the people who used to be around. I'm placing unrealistic expectations on this coming Autumn to basically fix everything in my life and looking for someone who will start new with me in the changing of the seasons. I. Need. This. Additionally, trying hard to think about this,"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
Which is a perfect transition into the fact that it's Love Bomb Thursday. Hello all of the above. Here's the mission:
This week we are dropping a Love Bomb on the entire Chicago Fire Department. Chris Wheatley, one of their firefighters, died in the line of duty on August 9th. This Love Bomb mission is two-fold:
1) To encourage, support and comfort the Chicago Fire Department as they've lost a brother in duty.
2) To thank the Chicago Fire Department for serving their community so faithfully.
You can leave a comment on the Chicago Fire Department's blog here.

Songs I love 5/50

2010-08-31T01:22:00.000-07:00

I know it's a super cliche band, and a super cliche song by them at that. And as a huge fan and not just one of the people who only knows this song, I do feel a little silly right now. But come on, it's a great song.

Luck Sleeps in the Ocean

2010-08-29T02:12:00.000-07:00

I love these Swarm installations by Kristi Malakoff found via Lauren's Tumblr.

I have had a migraine for just over 24 hours now and am finally feeling well enough to live and stop asking people to take an icepick to my forehead and be awake (after also sleeping for nearly 24 hours waking only to eat and complain) Unfortunately, this recovery is happening at 2am. I could not sleep another second if my life depended on it and the website to get into classes is under maintenance so being constructive is sort of out of the question too. And don't even bother suggesting I watch Step Brothers and eat ice cream, because I ALREADY DID THAT. Where are you insomniacs when I need you?
In my surplus of time and lack of activities, I decided to "meet" some of you. Who are you? Where besides blogs can I talk to you and be your friend? ARE YOU ON TWITTER?! (if so, what's your twitter name--let's be friends!) What's the most important thing in your life right now? Oh, and a question I saw on someone's formspring--WHAT would you do, if you were in a coma, yet totally aware, as one of your best buddies was hitting on your distraught mother, right over your non responsive body!? (isn't that a weird question?)
I don't know, I guess I just want to know more about the people who are reading about my life--which I think is fair.
Also, one of you formspring question askers says I don't post enough pictures of myself. I don't know that I'll start (because, really--why?) but I thought that for good measure I could toss one in tonight. To show you that I'm a real person, that I have a face and that I bake...and lemon squares at that. Oh yeah.

Until Again I Forget, and Again You Remind Me

2010-08-26T08:00:00.004-07:00

This post may be long and all over the place, so to soften the blow of the insanity that may follow, here's some really pretty things. If you want to buy one of these for me (or I guess yourself, *sigh*) you can do so at the amazing Millions of People Happy shop.

So this week has been pretty stressful/hard. Because this is my outlet, I'm about to list off a few things, post this, and say "good riddance". My niece has been insanely moody and totally against taking a nap--little rebel. My classes have been a little insane--oh my gosh online school, aren't you supposed to make things less stressful?! Because you're totally failing--every test/paper was THIS WEEK. Still recovering. I am dealing with accepting that no matter how many times someone tells you the words "I'm here for you" that doesn't actually count as being there. And. It. Sucks. My sleeping habits have been whoa crazy. Like...worse than they've been in a long, long, time. I need to fix that. My pathological fear of laundry has caught up to me, with fury. I have been crying way too much. And a few other miscellaneous things that don't need to be aired on the internet.
Whew! I am done with those those things now. Goodbye.
As far as good things, (I don't like to be all negative--especially when life isn't) I got to see some of my favorite kids tonight, I will see my beautiful, pregnant love of a friend tomorrow, Lauren has been loving me extra this week through chats, tweets, and really heartfelt emails. I am so lucky to know someone like her. My niece kissed my eyelids the other day (how cute is that!?!), Sammy and Greg (the daddy long legs couple in the corner above my computer) just had their babies and even though they got in a fight earlier, THEY MADE UP. I believe in love again. And also, I am really in love. HAH, that joke never stops making me laugh...yeah, no. Not in love.
It's also Love Bomb Thursday, so here's this week's mission.

We are dropping today's Love Bomb on a 17 year old girl named Rachel.

She lost her dad and ever since has dealt with eating disorders, and is struggling through life without him. Her mom avoids serious conversations with her and she is afraid to get help. She's in counseling, which is wonderful - but we all know how irreplaceable personal words of encouragement are.
You can comment on her blog here.

Don't Compose Epic Poems to Win Her Back

2010-08-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

I know I'm just under a month late on these, but I love the Desert Indoors by Alvaro Sanchez-Montañes.

I've admittedly been not the best blogger lately. The past week or so has been really hard for me as well as kind of busy so blogging has kind of taken a backseat

However, in that time, I FELT MY FRIENDS' BABY MOVE. Okay, I know this is not a huge deal for most people, but I cannot even explain what a big deal it is to me. I love this baby so much and to feel her little life inside of a woman I love so much is just completely beyond words for me. Sometime soon I'd like to post on the three of them (the mom, dad and baby) because they really are so special to me.

On a different note, (no pun intended) I just love Things We Forget so much.

I guess I should get back to life now. LAME.

Songs I Love 4/50

2010-08-21T14:54:00.002-07:00

One day a man will spring, worth loving.

P.S.-New winners for unclaimed giveaway winners are as follows:
EK Baker (hey, that's my mom!), CaL, Amyschmamey, Kim W. , Eloise In NY, email me at paigevbaker@gmail.com to claim your prizes! Come on guys, don't make me do 2nd runner ups.
Also, I swear I didn't rig these winners! What are the chances so many favorites would win round 2!?

With No Money, Come and Buy

2010-08-20T03:24:00.001-07:00

Totally unrelated (but wonderful) photo by Candy Chang.

I know I said I had a lot to blog about this week, and I know I need to post the new/runner up winners of he unclaimed giveaway prizes and I know this post is neither of those. I KNOW. They are still to come. But I just really wanted to share this with people because it's something I can't stop thinking about. For months now, it's been heavily in my mind...and a blog is where you post what's on your mind...right?
I'm sorry, but I just still cannot get over how much I love this interview. Relevant Magazine interviews Aaron Weiss with the main focus on his "unconventional Christianity", which I find just phenomenal. Some of my favorite things he says are,
I used to be embarrassed taking food from a trash bin or looking dirty. Anymore I feel embarrassed buying food when it's being thrown away everywhere I look! And dressing up in new clothes every day, trying to look attractive or desirable and stay clean and respectable—it's a lot of effort, and I don't have it in me anymore. When I see people with their hair done and make up and stylish clothes, it looks silly to me now, like a costume. I try not to come down hard on that sort of call for affirmation (I'm not far removed from it at all), but the Scriptures say we should try to look beautiful with a gentle, quiet spirit—if there's peace in our eyes, this is much more beautiful.

Material possessions are just one way we can be chained to this world. Even if we were to give up all our stuff, what good will it do us if we then judge others who haven't done so? Giving away everything we own is right, but we can get rid of our belongings but hold onto lust, jealousy, pride, arrogance, ambition. My advice is to ask forgiveness for trusting in what is useless and to pray for God to give you the love for others that would move you to sell all you have to give your money to the poor, not with reluctance or motivated by guilt, but with joy. Pray for that, and if it doesn't come pray for it again and again, and whatever good does come don't make a big show of it but keep your goodness a secret for God, and tell someone you trust the things you do that are the most wrong and shameful. Keep praying for mercy and forgive everyone, and show gratitude to the One who made you, and pray for me is my advice.

I don't know about you--but I am moved. Motivated to not only evaluate what I'm doing and how I'm living, but why. To be less self serving, to give as freely as I have received.
You can (and should) read the whole interview here.

Like a Piano

2010-08-19T08:00:00.002-07:00

It's Thursday. It's Love Bomb day. For those of you that don't know, this is quickly becoming my favorite day of the week. Being able to be a part of a project so actively extending love is beyond words for me. I can't seriously urge you to be a part of this.
This weeks mission is Katie. Katie was suggested by Amy, one of our own team members. In Amy's own words:

"This sweet, creative girl has lost her brother and brother-in-law, and now just found out her dad likely has pancreatic cancer (and it's serious) and is beyond devastated. He had a procedure and they are awaiting test results (due on Wed.). She can use all the support she can get."

To show her support and love, you can comment on her blog here.
And you can sign up for Love Bomb below.

Name:

Email:

I have tons to blog about this week, but until I grab a moment to do so, Love Bomb. I have to go to sleep now. It's 4:00am. (this is a scheduled post) Please tell me if you sign up, also. It doesn't make any difference, but I do like to know. Good night.

Sweet and Plain Unsingable Name

2010-08-15T21:52:00.002-07:00

Hi, Ross Sawyers! This post is not about you--but thank you for providing some beautiful art as atmosphere.

Regardless of what people think, or how difficult it is to explain to non-bloggers, I have made some wonderful blog friends here in the past year. People who encourage me, lift me up, and (I believe) genuinely care about me as a person. Off the web. When I started my blog I had never had an "online friend" before and in all honesty, didn't want one. It struck me as a shallow an maybe even a little creepy source of friendship. I had never heard of the "blogging community" and if I had I don't think I would've accepted it--as it was something I wouldn't have understood. But the truth is, the internet opens your eyes to so many new people. People who think just like you, who enjoy the same things, who have the same thoughts. People you would've never met offline but you love as though you did. Though it's the opposite of common belief, the internet can take away a lot of your feelings of being alone, by showing you that there are people just like you.
Through blogging, I have met some of the most amazing friends. People I love just the same as those offline. In fact, I even met one of my best friends online (though not through blogging...that's a story for another time. hahah) Specifically in bogs though, I truly do feel that there is a tight knit community who care about and love each other. As much animosity as I've seen here this week, I've seen twice as much love. People coming together to cheer up their hurting friends with encouragement, advice and support. We all on this earth to love and when I really see that happening, as I do often here, it encourages me to finish the day. I don't need to name names, you know who you are, but to all my blog (and twitter) friends, I really do love you, I really do care for you, and I really do appreciate you. Every day, you encourage me to be myself, and support me in doing so. Here's to you.

You Were the Only Answer

2010-08-12T12:29:00.001-07:00

Another favorite Small Victories because I believe every post should have an image.
So I have some amazing news. You all know Love Bomb and my undying love for the project, yes? Well, now Love Bomb is partnering with bloggers to spread the word and the love. I am one of those bloggers and I could not be any more thrilled. Every single week this project touches me in a new way and rekindles my love for humanity. The mission is emailed out every Thursday and starting now you will also be able to find it here on Thursdays.
IF THESE POSTS IRRITATE YOU, you're a horrible person. No, just kidding. I get it if this just is not your cup of tea (I'm most sure why though--maybe you just hate loving people. Ha! Last one--I swear) and you may view these posts as the blog equivalent of spam. If that's the case then by all means, skip them, unfollow, what have you. On my blog you can always expect posts on things that are important to me. I know this is a hot topic on blogger this week but I think what we can all agree that your blog should reflect you. This is what's important to me--so expect it. From now on. (I should mention that not only do I whole heartedly believe that but am also reminded of it daily by one of my favorite blog friends Biscuit.)
Here's this week's mission:

Bria, is a 22 year old young woman who has severe clinical depression and anxiety (severe panic attacks included) and in June she checked herself into the hospital in hopes of help. She was doing better, but has, in her own words, relapsed. For the first time, she is suicidal.

You can leave a comment on her blog here.
You can also sign up to join Love Bomb below.

Name:

Email:

Where Have you Gone?

2010-08-11T00:45:00.004-07:00

One of my favorite Small Victories photos for visual appeal. Annnddd....

GUESS WHAT I DID TONIGHT. (it's 12:36 and there by, technically Wednesday) I chose giveaway winners. I also chose first runner up giveaway winners because I've seen a lot of prizes go unclaimed in other giveways where a redraw was required. Always. One. Step. Ahead.
So without further adieu, our winners:
1. CoCo ELL - Handmade Belt from Darlingtonia Moccasin Company
2. Lauren - Wish Fish from Darling Savage
3. Melissa - Knit pillow from Antika Moda
4. Page - Little Man from P.Noo Industries
5. its simple love - Vintage Sweater from Camptown Vintage

6. Meg - Prints and postcards from She Cried for November

7. shari @ little blue deer - Eye mask from Angie May Handmade

8. lavender lullabye -Johnny Jack Rabbit from A Curious Fox

9. Jessica - Double Take from Molly Costello

10. Sojo - Handmade soap from O Bella Naturals

Email me at email me at paigevbaker@gmail.com so I can get your addresses!
IF YOU ARE A WINNER and do not email me by Wednesday, August 18th, I WILL BE GIVING YOUR PRIZE to the first runner up. Seriously. Watch out.

I would also like to say, that if there were a prize for best entry comment, it would definantly be this one:
"On a rainy desert night like tonight, on the drive home from work, I slipped in a recently acquired cd. From the very first note of the very first song, this custom compiled, collection made for me by a dear pastor friend of mine, reminded me of just how sentimental and nostalgic even I, can get.
It may have been the weariness of a hard night, or the emotion evoked by such a rare desert occurrence like rain, or perhaps just a longing to return home, but as I drove, I found myself transported as I enjoyed the soothing sounds...of a little Maiden. That's right Iron Maiden. 100% testosterone driven power chord rock and roll, full of history, literature and, strangely enough, complete sentences. Hearkening back to a time when people didn't feel that the complete expression of their thoughts should or could be limited to 160 characters, and real men dressed in spandex pants, British flag shirts and bandanas. (Oh, scratch that last part about the clothing.My mistake)
Brimming with words you could find in a little book we used to call the Dictionary, each song is an epic story with the vivid imagery, word play, intellect and gratuitous violence, one might find in any Keanu Reeves, or Will Ferrel movie. (Oh boy, again, maybe not that last part, but you get it.)
So, please forgive me of my momentary lapse of reason as I air drum to the "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner", or pound on my steering wheel while singing "Run to the Hills" in my manliest high pitch voice. I'm not exactly proud, but I'm sure not embarrassed either.
PS My favorite band is Kraftwerk."

I Love it When you Sing to me

2010-08-09T23:38:00.003-07:00

Hi, Tang Chan, I love your work.

Do you know what? Today was AWESOME. If you had asked me how my day was at 11:00 this morning, I might have said differently--considering I felt like I was dying, the lady at the store called me a bitch and my musical taste was facing deep questioning. But there really is some validity to the old saying "If life gives you lemons, remember that you live in America and you don't have to eat what you're given, so go to the store and buy four boxes of chocolate candy instead." Wait...is that how the saying goes? Anyway, it worked for me.
I ate my candy, put on some good music, and reassured myself that it was going to be a GOOD DAY. Then I logged into my classes and started my new semester. I also got tons of love today when I REALLY needed it. Diana made me her favorite blog of the week at over at our.ctiy.lights. Amy helped me with my new banner (ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL??!) by which I mean; I was super difficult and she was crazy supportive and took my jank example and made her own BEAUTIFUL banner for me. (layout changes still to come) From scratch. Yeah. Then Lauren sent me a love text just when I needed it and cracked me up on facebook. And LASTLY Danielle, wrote this about me in her sweet post about the blogs she follows:
this is paige. and she has a big heart and she will love you. she has a great sense of humor, but her heart is so amazing. i mean, i can't even tell you how much she gives to others and how much time she spends writing, sending, emailing, tweeting, blogging. just for me, and just for us.
GUYS. Who told you I needed your love today? Because I really did.
This is going to sound cheesy but days like today, where I'm the most enjoyable shade of wrong, really remind me why loving people is so important to me. Why I honestly believe it's the most important thing in the world. We all know what it's like to feel alone, unwanted, unloved. But when people slap you in the face with their love; it can keep you going...and maybe even heal your cold.
Maybe.

Songs I Love 3/50

2010-08-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

This song is just so pretty. When things are really stressful, or I'm just generally upset about something, I like to play it and get a little bit lost and maybe intentionally distracted. Like right now.
"Your sorrow is beautiful to me tonight."

P.S.-I plan to redo my blog really soon. If you've been around here a while, you know that I hate to stay the same way for too long. That said, if any of you are good at blog design, I NEED YOUR HELP. I have a lot of technical questions that need answering before I can create the image i have in my head.

You Were Meant for Amazing Things

2010-08-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

Ernesto Caivano's work is just stunning. Viewing them and enjoying the few hours of stillness (while I should be doing important things) before I have to get up and start another hectic day, brings me a peace that's hard to come by.

Okay, so today was beyond exhausting. I. Am. Beat. It just seemed to be thing, after thing, after thing today. Physically, emotionally, mentally I'm just tired. The baby shower was great and I may or may not post on it in the future. I haven't decided if it would be sweet to people besides me and the parents or if it would be B-O-R-I-N-G for anyone who didn't know the parents. Thoughts?
Anyway, I know I said I'd announce the giveaway winners today but it's not as easy as random.org--I have to write you all down, sift through the comments and separate entries, and call you on your word for any extra entries. On any other night--no big deal. Tonight, so not happening. My instinct is to then say I'll have them for you tomorrow...but that would be a lie too. Honestly, tomorrow will be just as crazy and I'm still pretty busy up until mid next week. So to make this giveaway and even two weeks, I'll be announcing winners on Wednesday, August 11. You have until then to get your entries in here.
I also think I'm getting sick. How often do I say that? I have the worst immune system in the world. My body hates me in almost all ways. Sad.
Hope you're all having a great weekend. As things in real life slow down, things on my blog will speed up. Because I love our blog conversations (see comments on Hold your Moments (Keep Them in your Pockets))
Love.

Hold your Moments (Keep them in your Pockets)

2010-08-05T15:03:00.004-07:00

I am absolutely in love with Candy Chang's Sidewalk Psychiatry project.

"Sidewalk Psychiatry encourages self-evaluation in transit by posing critical questions on the pavements of New York City with stencils and temporary spray-chalk."

There are two others that say "Does she know how you feel?" and "Do you think that went well?"

This week has been a little bit weird for me for a lot of reasons and just got even weirder yesterday when I realized my good friends' baby shower is on Saturday. I seriously cannot even believe that in just two short months, my friends are going to be parents. It blows my mind some days. My cute friend who used to wear fishnets and plaid pants and go to Denny's with me at 2am is going to be a mom? No way?!

The changes I've seen just in the past few years alone are amazing. Not only has time been moving way faster than I've given it permission to, but also holding some of the biggest changes you could think up. Things I thought would never change, I can barely even remember, people I thought I'd always be friends with I haven't seen in what feels like ages and people I never anticipated befriending are some of the biggest parts of my life. I have never been one to claim to have it all (or any of it, really) figured out but I'm still consistently surprised by how quickly and without warning everything can change. As Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

What major changes have you faced in the past few years? Were they for the better?

Not a Robot, But a Ghost

2010-08-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

These are amazing--meant to take away the fear of natural decay of art by burning/giving to bugs/chipping/etc. in advance. Valerie Hegarty is for sure a new favorite artist of mine.
Oh yeah, and I'm posting my writing again today, because...I don't know.

Standing on the edge of a mountain above sleeping trees light tired rain. Alone with the promise of never being alone. The sound of machinery clanging together with rhythmic beats forms quietly in the middle of the air. Louder and louder and with one loud crash an old machine of intimidating size and unknown function. Moving rapidly, pieces loudly smashing together. With every hit of the long arm it grows an extension eventually forming a small town of rust and deafening commotion. Standing and staring at them without fear or confusion I am devoured one beat at a time. Being encompassed head first to chest to torso to legs to feet until gone. Then the same rhythmic beats growing softer and softer until no more than a concept. But you never came back.

Your Lows will Have Their Compliment of Highs

2010-08-02T13:31:00.005-07:00

I am home. And my time away was lovely--admittedly not relaxing (I'm still sore) but very nice. It rained almost all weekend which created beautiful weather/scenery but an ice cold creek. I really didn't plan to get in at all, but in chasing after my belongings, I fell got totally drenched. My hand/arm still hurts ridiculously much so writing this at all right now is a proof of my love for you. (sort of--I also have important things to say) Also, Jerome (below) is one of the most charming towns I've ever been to. Messy, communal, adorable, town on a mountain. Yes please.

Okay, on to things that aren't over, that are still happening, and that mean something. Today I woke up to a facebook link from Lauren telling me I needed to blog about this. In all honesty, 99.99% of the time, when people tell me I "need" to blog about things (or even do things in general) I don't. Both don't need to and don't. But I know Lauren enough to know that she's usually right. She was.
Have you heard of the Fast Company Influence Project? If you have--you may have been left with a little bit of a "popularity contest" left in your mouth. I hate that flavor--it's right under orange for me. The Fast Company Influence Project is an effort to find the “most influential person online” for 2010. ItStartsWith.Us has done a little "refocusing" of the project. A refocus that I love, and that I plan to fight for the success of. Some might call it hijacking. We’re taking over, and we’re going to use our “influence” to do something good – something to make a difference in people’s lives. We’re going to show the world that this can be much more than a silly popularity contest, and that we don’t have to accept the conclusions of Fast Company when they crown “the winner” (a dubious title indeed). On Wednesday, August 11th many of the biggest players in this "competition" will team together and defy the rules of a competition in the name of good and love.
This inspires me more than I can explain. We all know that one person can change the world--and I think most of us are hoping to be that one person. But imagine if all those "one person"s could get together and do something bigger. If we could show the world that loving people isn't a sign of weakness but rather of strength and that being the best isn't nearly as important as loving your best. I think this would refresh and inspire people to take part. Sign up. Take part. Make a difference.

Name:

Email:

I should also mention, this is through the parent of LoveBomb--which so many of you have come to love.

We Won't Need Legs to Stand

2010-07-30T23:14:00.005-07:00

If I could physically love these anymore, I would.View more here.

I'll jump on the blog bandwagon and wish you all a happy Friday (all be it almost over)
This week has been long, tiring, and lonely, but in good news, I'm talking a little impromptu road trip this weekend up to Sedona. It will be nice to "swim" (it's not really that deep) in the creek and enjoy the expected rain. I should probably be doing a million other things right now (Ahem--cleaning, doing laundry, taking a shower, replying to letters, loading music for the drive up, etc., etc.) but instead I decided write all of you lovely people. You're almost always nice to me. Speaking of the ride up and people being nice to me, along with her letter this week, Allie send me her favorite book to read. That will be so lovely to have this weekend. What love.
Quickly, before I eat too much food that's bad for me late at night, and otherwise get ready to go, I wanted to tell you something I read today. It's a newly proven scientific fact that the human brain is capable of falling and staying in love for an entire lifetime. The same part of your brain that feels love in the begining is still active 50 years later. This may not surprise many of you but it's a great way to say PSHA to the skeptics. Only Love proves to be the truth.
Anyone else have weekend plans? I like to pretend we're all best friends--so fill me in. xo.

1,000 Half Loves

2010-07-29T13:06:00.001-07:00

Oh my yes."I love pinhole photography. The fact that people will take a gamble on a piece of film for months—or even years—strikes me as almost romantic, like a time capsule. This longest-ever exposure shows 34months of New York life."

This will be kind of a lonely and impersonal post of all things I didn't create because I love them and I'm not feeling well. Here's some more impersonal love.

He made the world a grassy road before our bare, wandering feet
Then crushed the stones into the softest sand between our toes.
But we’re wondering where to sleep,

Oh, but clever words on pages turn to fragments, circles, points and lines,
And they cover them like carpets with graceful, meaningless, ornamental designs.
Come quick, You Light that knows no evening. Come, alone to the alone!
There are a thousand half-smiles well worth leaving for to take your madness home,
And You dance inside my chest where no one sees You,
But sometimes I see You.

Come quick, You Light that knows no evening. Come, alone to the alone.
There’s a thousand half-loves well worth leaving for to take your madness home,
And You dance inside my chest, etcetera… etcetera… etcetera.

Oh, rejoice, the Cleansing of my lips. Rejoice, Salvation of my soul!
I still have a thousand half-loves. Oh, my God,
I want to shoot myself just thinking about it.
And you think I don’t mean what I say?
Well, I mean every word I say.

I threw a small stone down at the reflection of my image in the water
And it altogether disappeared.
I burst as it shattered through me like a bullet through a bottle.
And I’m expected to believe that any of this is real?

Skeleton Key (By which I mean, GIVEAWAY!)

2010-07-28T12:25:00.011-07:00

WHAT THE GIVEAWAY?!! Well, participating in Biscuit's Blog-a-Palooza Giveaway has got me all worked up. I had to have a one of my own. This is no ordinary giveaway, but a giveaway compiled of prizes from all my favorite Etsys! Kind of like an "Oprah's favorite things" (I'm so depressed that I just compared myself to Oprah) Okay, *Oprah voice* PRIIIIZESSSSS!!!

Here's what you could win:

1) From the NEWLY LAUNCHED LINE, your choice of color, handmade belt from Darlingtonia Moccasin Company (blog)

2) These adorable Three Wish Fish in patterns of pink from Darling Savage (blog)

3) This hand knit throw pillow from Antika Moda (blog)

4) This little man from P.Noo Industries (blog)

5) This vintage white sweater from Camptown Vintage (blog)

6) This 5x7 "The Favorite" print AND this daisy postcard set AND this fairy-tale fields print set from She Cried for November (blog)

7) This relaxing lavender eye mask from Angie May Handmade (blog)

8) This Johnny Jackrabbit from A Curious Fox (blog)

9) This AMAZING Double Take piece from Molly Costello (blog)

10) A handmade soap from O Bella Naturals (blog)

OH MY GOSH COULD YOU BE ANY MORE STOKED?!
Well it totally gets better. I'm even offering EXTRA ENTRIES!
*simultaneous "OMG!!"*
Okay, here's how to enter:

You must follow this blog
You must comment and tell me your very favorite band and why.

Extra Entries:
(each extra entry must be posted in a separate comment)

Tweet the phrase: Etsy Favorites Giveaway- 10 winners! Enter @vpbaker's giveaway here: http://bit.ly/boBTCS
Blog about this giveaway and comment with the URL
Heart any (or all) of these Etsy shops. (1 entry per heart)
Follow any (or all) of these blogs. (1 entry per follow)
Share this post on facebook and comment with the link to your page. IF YOUR FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE you will need to add me (here: http://bit.ly/9M5nlQ ) until the giveaway closes and then unfriend away.
Add this super cool giveaway button to your blog and comment the link.

300 Trumpets and Just 1 is Out of Tune

2010-07-27T13:59:00.004-07:00

The Colour of Music is the coolest thing. "The unseen collection of music, avoids the need to name or identify to influence or be known. Instead the photographs create a rhythm of colour, light and shade that resonates with its musical content."

I don't know if anyone else finds these as cool as I do--but I would love to have framed prints of them. It seems a little silly, but I love the sense of collectiveness and unity in all the albums, aside from the difference in style or genre. I'm envisioning Bob Dylan and Stevie Wonder being placed next to each other and high fiving between albums. (so weird) I have a really wide selection of musical taste and I hope to eventually have a color sorted shelf like this supporting musical unity in my own home. Lots of high fives.

I have a lot to do today but KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED for a really special post tomorrow. Because I love to quote beautiful things and hear people love them the way I do, I'll leave you with this lovely:
When heaven meets the earth, we will have no use for numbers to measure who are and what we’re worth. When Heaven meets the earth, we will have no need for mirrors to tell us who to be and where we fit into this awkward point of view.

Songs I Love 2/50

2010-07-24T13:41:00.003-07:00

I always love this song. Even it it's a little cheesy/debatable creepy. I'd even love it in a tornado (whatever that means)

Josh Pyke - Sew My Name

WHAT THE MISSING POST?!!

I am a lady. And I don't need to be changed or fixed. But on that note, I'm all about speaking the truth in Love and that post wasn't very loving nor was it very ladylike. The out-pour of love and support was so beyond what I expected and a very honest and genuine thank you to everyone who wrote in. Your words are a balm and I really was touched by almost every comment. I also learned that you all like the f word...I like it too. But there's a time and a place and that was neither.
xoxox

Stitch my Skin

2010-07-20T19:58:00.001-07:00

Among other things, Michael Schmelling is making my day.

So...today is kind of great! Just what I needed after the endless funk of yesterday. (okay, obviously it did end) I woke up with a horrible migraine and am extremely pill tolerant and not a lot helps so I usually have to choose between toughing it out or grabbing some not so prescribed vicodin. I couldn't find the vicodin so I just went to sleep. Needless today--I didn't have high hopes for the day at this point. HOWEVER I somehow woke up a few hours later feeling great! This almost never happens and it put me in a really great mood.
I painted a lot, caught up with some friends (which was much needed) and PLANNED A HUGE BLOG SURPRISE! Which I'm actually still working on--be looking out for that sometime next week.
Then, Lauren over at Letters, She Wrote featured me in a blog about condition-less friendship. In my case, having friends up to 15 years older than myself and the lack of a need to put limits on who you can and can't be friends with. It's a really sweet post that I can totally get behind. Read here.
I've also been listening to tons of new bands and old favorites today. That always puts me in a great mood. I mean, how could you not be in a good mood while this is playing?

Pack your Bags, and Come Back Home

2010-07-19T14:42:00.011-07:00

I completely love these photos by Noemie Goudal. So, so, much.

HEY GUESS WHAT! I know I must sound like a broken record, but if you haven't signed up to receive Love Bomb emails yet, you really are missing out on something important.
Also, Mondays kind of suck. I really wish I could write an exciting post today--I do. I think I should just start being a more exciting person in order to have more exciting posts. I swear I do things--I do! And some pretty fun/great things at that. And although I will in part blame Monday for this, I think I'm just having a super off day. I can barely think straight. Honestly, why I'm documenting this state is beyond me.
In the category of random things I want to share:
Letter writing is crazy--sorry if you're waiting on me. All but 2 letters are in the mail so you should get something soon.
Also, I'm way excited that our little church started by some of my best friends is moving from the family room of an addiction recovery center to a real life building. Not only that but a majority of our church is recovering addicts and the new location is also home to one of the biggest CA groups in the state (if I'm recalling correctly) It will be really great to get in there and I'm extremely excited to see how the addiction recovery focus is still being incorporated and used. That even makes me happy on a day like today.
Lastly, I'm losing my mind today. Sorry about that.
Hopefully I'll have a better post tomorrow. Any suggestions? I love suggestions lately.
Hope your Monday is going better than mine. xo

P.S.- THIS POST DIDN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! I swear I'm losing it today. If this were twitter (which I do understand it's not) I'd trend #notagoodday right now.

The Sky is Clear; as My Mind is Now

2010-07-16T23:45:00.002-07:00

This has been one of the weirdest weeks for me. I don't even believe that I can really know if it was a good or bad one until I've had a little time to sit with it. I just keep rereading the "New Again" post by Lauren because I know it encourages me and I crave encouragement. Since it's been something I'm reading so much, it's been at the front of my mind when I encounter other people needing encouragement. I've sent it to a lot of people at this point and everyone has had a really strongly positive reaction to it. I try not to just directly reblog other people's posts but I have seen too much overwhelming good come from this one not to. I could easily just give you a link and send you on your way but I don't think I'd believe enough of you clicked it. I know this looks long but it's really not. Read it. I would be 100% amazed if you told me it didn't encourage you greatly.

+ Keep a “thankful for” journal. Hot damn, I’m ready to focus on the overwhelming amount of good in my life.
+ Business hours for my social life.
+ Understand that sleep is my most valuable asset.
+ Surround myself with inspiring visuals and sound. Environment is everything.
+ Limit the number of close friends I have. Write them down, and invest in them. Commit.
+ Create what I love, not what I think other people will.
+ View my life holistically, not in terms of times, places, or periods.
+ Never underestimate the power of beauty.
+ KNOW it’s the journey, and not the destination. (I’m sorry, but for all you perfectionist, goal-oriented, big-picture people, this is one oozing cliché you’re just going to have to accept as truth, and learn to ignore the elephant of how-to, self-help, 10-ways-to-happiness shit factor that it is. )
+ Realize that I have control of my life as a whole. Truly. I control what I do. For the parts that are outside of my control, I have control of my perception.
+ Keep a list of things I wish I knew. Block off time to learn those things.
+ Don’t ever turn an opportunity down because I fear the result.
+ With every choice, ask if it simplifies or complicates. Be honest with myself.
+ Most limitations are illusions. Almost any obstacle can be overcome if I genuinely work at it.
+ What I focus on, expands. Ask myself every morning what I will focus on today. Write it down EVERYWHERE.
+ Take myself on dates. Regularly. Pretend I am in a relationship with myself. Take myself places I wish someone would take me, sit down and talk to myself. I can’t have quality relationships with others until I know the person having a relationship with them. So get to know that person – me.
+ Take care of myself. Treat myself like I would my daughter.
+ Carry around a pad or tablet for a week and mark down the moments I am happiest or excited ( + column ) and the moments I am drained, stressed, or unhappy ( - column ) . Take myself on a date, and work on arranging my life in a way that increases my +’s and decreases my –‘s.
+ Scrapbook. Not craft mom scrapbook. Keep a booklet (small enough I can throw in my purse or bag or backpack) around with a pen and some tape so I can throw every fleeting though, inspirational-anything, great ad, idea, photo, or pretty thing in it. Start documenting my life OFF the computer.
+ Give, not take. Give to myself, and give to others. Don’t let anyone take from me and don’t take from anyone else. Don’t let a day go by that I don’t consciously give to myself AND to someone else.
+ Compartmentalize only the bad, and none of the good.
+ Ten minutes every morning. Work it into EVERY morning before I go anywhere or do anything. Think about nothing other than myself. Get to know the person that’s getting ready to live my day.
+ Learn to believe that I am unique and can honestly give in ways that no one else can. I may not know right now what I can give, but when I believe it, I’ll see it.
+ Learn to need others and be needed. Do group projects and collaborations.
+ Everyday, stop and use my eyes’ macro lens. I may forget it often, but I’m a badass camera. Watch a bug, study a snowflake or blade of grass. Come to a dead stop and change my view for a couple of seconds, and I’ll see the world differently.
+ Do things I’m afraid of doing. Failure is better than not attempting.
+ Don’t be afraid of pain. Don’t run from it, don’t smother it, and don’t let decisions be influenced by it. There is a healthy outlet for pain, unique to me. Find it, use it, and create with it.
+ Love people. If you don’t have it already, make a conscious effort to develop a deep love for people and humanity as a whole. People are the key to life. Love them, know them, meet them, listen to them, learn from them. View everyone as an encyclopedia with a beating heart.
+ Don’t let weaknesses affect strengths. Use strengths regardless of weaknesses, and focus in on weaknesses one at a time. Work on them in environments where it’s already acknowledged that you can’t, and you’re there to get better.
+ Exchange my “I can’t” to “can you teach me?”

Songs I Love - 1/50

2010-07-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

Every so often, Allie has a "Songs we Love - -/50" post on her blog. They are some of my favorite posts of hers, as I not only love music--but we have very similar taste. As I encounter more and more blogs lately, I am finding a lot of people I've called my musical soul mates. And having people tell me the same. I've even had a few requests for playlists. I used to try and limit the amount of musical posts I have (in fear of boring people) but with so many people sharing the same taste, I've decided to also do a set of 50 "Songs I Love". Hoping this results in finding more people with similar taste, new suggestions and new music friends.

Margot & the Nuclear So and So's - Skeleton Key

Lie Just a Little, to Tell you that I'm doing Fine

2010-07-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

Instead of reading this post--you should just click onto Jacqueline Rush Lee, now.

Umm...I love these.
I just deleted what was probably the longest post in the history of my blog.
I need new music, a good book, a cure for insomnia, and encouragement.

Ya sabur, subhannallahi, a'udhu billahi minash-shaitanir-rajim, al-hamdu lilllah, bismillahir rahmanir rahim.

As Tall as Cliffs

2010-07-13T02:40:00.005-07:00

I really never participate in "tags". Don't misunderstand me--I am always flattered to be tagged, but the rules usually involve a lot of talking about myself. And I'm probably the least interesting person you'll ever meet. That said, Allie just tagged me in a post about things you love around your house. Not only is she one of my favorite friends, but she also inspired me with her cool collage. I'm in. I was planning a "getting to know you" post anyway so I think this will fit in perfectly.

From left to right:

My millions of filled notebooks (the empty ones are great too), some of my dried flowers--most from significant times in my life, one of the crates at the end of my bed with my Polaroid, paint, notebooks, etc., my antique jewlery bowl from an abandoned house in Missouri, stacks and stacks and stacks of CD's, my letters, fabric hoop of Greg and Sam--giraffes in love (I name things), guitar (on vacation until I can afford new strings), the top sheet in a thick pile of my favorite poems/writings, The Bobes, a framed print of some of my mom's photography from college, my books.

I'm not feeling super patient so I'm not waiting for more questions (if there are any) Instead, I'll answer what was asked, list 5 random things, ask you some questions, and include a formspring box for all things unanswered.

What's the coolest thing you've found on the web this week?

It's only Tuesday, but this is by far the coolest thing, and I will probably post on it soon.

What are your three go-to blogs?

The three blogs I love so much that they're permanent tabs on my firefox are:

+Frankenstein
+It's a Wonderful Life
+Lauren Nicole Love
If you could do something drastic to your hair what would it be?
Honestly--I would cut it all off. I know I don't have a head/face to support that haircut, but I love it on other people.
One serious thing most people don't know about you? (rephrased)
I struggle with believing I'm loved (genuinely/consistently) more than anyone else I know. And I feel really guilty about how much I struggle with that.
5 random facts:
+I obsessively wash my hands. I really don't care about germs--I'd eat off the ground. I just hate the feeling of dirty hands.
+I am very small and have almost no muscle but I am surprisingly strong and good with heavy lifting.
+I obsessively quote things/people. I retain lyrics/poems/words like mad and often have to fight the urge to never have an original thought again.
+Although I believe the amount of good music I enjoy, outweighs the bad--my "playlist of shame" is extremely large and growing daily.
+I intentionally dance crazily in the car knowing that people will see me and laugh, and hoping that it will give them a better day. When I see people dancing in the car it brightens my entire day more and more with every time I tell the story. I consider this public a service.
Okay, done!
I can't really think of tons of questions right now so my questions for you are all the ones I just answered (5 random facts includes) Answer in a comment or blog BUT if you answer in a blog, please comment with the link so that I don't miss it! Consider yourself tagged!

Unanswered question?
<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me//vpbaker"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me//vpbaker&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

You are Way too Rare a Person to Ignore

2010-07-11T13:59:00.004-07:00

Blah, blah, blah, guess how long it's been since I SLEPT! I am actually so tired that my whole body aches. My brain is so scattered and I have so many little random things to mention in this post, that I probably won't even try to make it sound nice. There will be no proper subject transitioning in this post!

First of all, Lauren dedicated this to me this week. Which basically excited me to the core--why is she so talented?!
ALSO, my awesome friend Biscuit is hosting a blog-a-palooza giveaway! There are tons of prizes from different talents all around the blog world and there will be twenty winners! I am also contributing 5 penpal envelopes that I made for the giveaway. Not because I'm a shining talent--but because Danielle is wonderful, and invited me to participate. You can enter here!
ALSO, to my dearest penpals--if you are waiting on a reply from me: I did not forget you! I am running a bit behind right now and am super low on stamps so that's the story behind my delay. When I get a little bit more postage, I will have all your letters out into the mail.
And lastly, it occurs to me that the last time I had a "getting to know you" post was back in April when I was happily/comfortable resting at 44 followers. LUCKILY, I have many more of you now and would love to do another one of those very soon. However--I have no clue what there is to know. SO I decided to do this as kind of a question/answer thing. Comment on this post with any and all questions and I will use them in my "getting to know you" post. Which questions are used will be up to my own discretion. And (hopefully) you know that talking about myself isn't my favorite thing ever especially when I could be talking about you lovely people. So I will also include questions for you guys in that post, because I love to know my readers.

P.S.- Are you Love Bombing yet?

What a Day to Realize I'm not Dead

2010-07-09T02:51:00.006-07:00

Because not continuing to post the flying pictures just seems like a crime:

Daniel Gordon

Before I say anything else in this post--you should read this great poem about dads. You all know (or should) how much I love In Case you were Wondering and his ridiculously good, tear-your-heart-out writings. But the lightheartedness (made up word?) of this one is resonating perfectly with me.

everything will be ok.

jump off the top bunk,

because your dad will catch you.

he is the strongest dad in the world and he can clap really loud and catch fish and open jars and everyone else's dad is dumb.

The best--right?
I have been reasonably well the past week...and it's refreshing and wonderful. (or as Kim over in England would say--it's proper awesome) I feel like I could spill out a million reasons why I'm "reasonably well" but instead I'll just hand out an umbrella thank you to anyone and everyone who I've encountered this week and have had be completely pleasant to me. Up swings are the best.
ALSO, the Love Bomb is awesome this week. It's called Laura is Going Blind. I can't stress enough how important this project is to me, and how truly I believe that 99.99% of people have no excuse to not spend 5 minutes a week on it. Honestly.
Okay, okay, it's 3am and I swear I'm going to sleep tonight so with this final question, I bid you well. At this very second, what is making you the very happiest? It doesn't necessarily have to be a default "right answer" just the first thing that comes to mind. Even if it's just a cool new blog or pretty song.