Why Legalizing Gay Marriage Will Destroy America

Ever since Obama came out in support of gay marriage this week, the internet has been blowing up with strong opinions for and against the president. In case you've been living under a rock, here's the clip:

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Yep, you heard it here first, our president IS A GAY MUSLIM CHRISTIAN HATER. After reading a lot of well thought out Facebook stati, written in a tasteful Caps Lock, I've taken it upon myself to write up a few reasons that gay marriage will absolutely destroy this great nation.
  1. If we allow homosexuals to marry, we're encouraging a lifestyle of monogamy and commitment that may ultimately result in the babies that are put up for adoption (instead of being aborted) finding homes with two loving parents, instead of being raised by a single teen mom like god intended. 
  2. Admittedly, I stole this one from a post of a Facebook friend, but it was too good to pass up!! If we allow gay people to reap the health insurance benefits of a married couple, they will no longer feel the need for god. This is true guys, it happened to me. Since Obama allows me to stay on my parents' insurance until 26 (Which is going to be ENABLING and WRONG and SOCIALIST on my 26th birthday, but totally cool right now) I have Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance, and do you know what? The day I was accepted onto that plan, I lost my faith :(
  3. I've heard a lot of LEFTISTS suggesting that we legalize a government recognized marriage, but not force the church to do anything they don't want to do - I.E.-marry a same sex couple in the church. This seems rational at first glance - equal rights, without infringing on anyone's religious beliefs. WRONG. Really think this one through - if this becomes law, that would be to say that a religious organization has NO RIGHT to dictate the legal benefits of people who do not subscribe to said organization. Does that make any sense to anyone? 
  4. In addition to the fact that history has proved TIME AND TIME AGAIN that for every gay marriage there is a straight divorce due to the destruction of marriage's sanctity at that moment, this is an issue of principle. If we allow same sex marriage, it's a slippery downhill slope. Next thing you know, the left will be proposing a separation of church and state. Can you imagine? 
  5. This
Editor's Note: Isn't it cool how blogs can exist for anyone to share their thoughts and opinions? Isn't it cool how many right wing political blogs exist that I never comment on, or how many facebook posts have upset me to the point of tears, that I have never picked a fight on? The internet is a great place where everyone can  express their thoughts whether right, wrong, or neither, and I require the same respect I show on your websites, on mine. That's a long way of saying "don't waste your time writing out a comment about how I'm going to hell because 1. I've already heard that one, and 2. I won't publish it."
Image via TheOatmeal.com. Obviously. 


Liz / Tangible Ingredients said...

Amen, sister! It's kind of mind blowing sometimes, the reasoning behind some of the hate.
This is totally unrelated, but damn I love your header!

Paige Baker said...

Seriously. As though anyone's love life has any bearing on anyone else's life. Calm down, guys.
Also, thank you!

kalie brynn. said...

applause. oh, PAIGE. i love this and i love you. this is funny because you write with the most fabulous humor, but funny also as in ridiculous, as in when people actually say these things legitimately it's ridiculous. it makes me feel crazy in the head. that's what i mean. i just think this: if y'all want theocracy, fine - go find it. but the only places you're going to find it will also be the homes of extreme oppression. so, have fun with that. BAH.

Paige Baker said...

Kalie, BLESS YOU. I joke, but these are REAL ARGUMENTS, you're right! It's upsetting - I've lost sleep over it. And there are some really horrible "points" I've heard that I didn't even touch here. It's devastating. AND OH MY GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE TIME THAT "gay propaganda activists are attacking christians' views" I WILL GO POSTAL. And also, I will marry my dog either way so that one's out.

Nettie said...

Don't forget the gangs of bitter homosexuals roaming the streets forcing us to get gay-married to punish us for legally shackling them to someone else for life.

It'll happen. Oh, yes, it will.

Ben said...

You're awesome, glad I found your blog.

Tegan said...

How did I miss that you updated this? I love it!

Anonymous said...

I hated reading this. Gay is disgusting and unnatural.

Paige Baker said...

Anonymous: I wasn't going to publish this, but it was too well thought out not to. Valid points, sorry I doubted you.

PS-Are you a woman? Want to hook up?

kimbirdy said...

you're awesome! and i'm so glad there are folks just like you (including YOU!!) taking the time to make these points. if only i could make everyone read them...

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Okay so I know you wrote this a long time ago. Hopefully you'll get this comment anyway. Twitter suggested I follow you and then I thought hey, maybe she has a blog.

Can I just say you rock? Well, ya do.

Anonymous said...

Paige, I know this is old news, but I just came across it. May Jerry Falwell RIP and all his inappropriate comments. What I see that's happened here is that many years ago our government established a tax system by borrowing a few biblical terms ....households were either single or married (this is another long discussion meant for another time). Homosexuals have been around for thousands of years and although I believe it wasn't God intent to live that way, we must acknowledge that we all sin and we live in a fallen world.

But, I would like for you and your audience to recognize that because some of us disagree with the life style that doesn't mean we HATE. After all, how can we hate and still live and believe in the greatest commandment? ~ Debbie Boyd